IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

With the increased global demand for oil and gas, undiscovered areas of the world should be opened up to access more resources. To what extent do you agree?

In today’s fast-paced world, the increasing reliance on crude oil and natural gas has become a major concern
due to
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 the depletion of these
resources
Use synonyms
. From my perspective, I believe human intervention in natural processes, like extracting crude oil, has more downsides compared to positives.
Accordingly
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,
resources
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 should be locked or sealed so that people can
adapt
Use the right word
adopt
show examples
 new energy sources as described below. In fact, these oils and
gases
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 take millions of years to be generated
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 through the decomposition of organic compounds. People are utilising these
resources
Use synonyms
 rapidly for the operation of vehicles and industries. When it comes to
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
show examples
 of continuous extraction of
resources
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, particularly burning these oils, they emit greenhouse
gases
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,
such
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 as carbon dioxide.
This
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 process eventually disturbs the air quality and balance between
gases
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 in the atmosphere.
Furthermore
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,
currently
Add a comma
currently,
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 global warming is a critical problem faced by the world because of the excessive percentage of greenhouse
gases
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. In fact, man's interaction with natural processes globally has already given serious threats.
Therefore
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, any geologist or environmental scientist does not recommend burning fossil fuels, as it directly interferes with natural cycles.
Accordingly
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, in order to guarantee a sustainable future, it is advised to adopt green energy
such
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 as wind and solar power. Most countries today encourage the use of sustainable energy sources.
Therefore
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, there should be regulatory bodies worldwide to minimise
extraction
Correct article usage
the extraction
show examples
 of fossil fuels;
otherwise
Linking Words
, it will discourage others from adapting to change. In conclusion,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 limitations should be placed on the use of natural
resources
Use synonyms
. Reducing the use of these oils is crucial, even though outright banning them might not be simple. There should be agreements globally to make a safer environment for the next generation.

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Task Achievement
Your introduction is clear, but it could better outline the main points of your argument.
Task Achievement
Some points in your body paragraphs need clearer examples to strengthen your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to use more linking words to show connections between your ideas for better flow.
Task Achievement
Your understanding of the environmental issues related to oil and gas is strong.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have a good conclusion that summarizes your main ideas well.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • global demand
  • finite resources
  • energy consumption
  • exploiting
  • untouched ecosystems
  • carbon emissions
  • climate change
  • renewable energy
  • sustainable energy solutions
  • geopolitical consequences
  • territorial disputes
  • dependency
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