IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is unacceptable that people who work in certain professions,eg.finance,media, entertainment and sport,are paid such high salaries while others, who do more important jobs in society,are underpaid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is no denying the fact that
people
Use synonyms
 who
work
Use synonyms
 in some sectors,
such
Linking Words
 as social media, sports, or financial
services
Punctuation problem
services,
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 are
gain
Wrong verb form
gaining
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 more than
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
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work
Use synonyms
 to serve society.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that it is unfair to those who
work
Use synonyms
 to help
people
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. There is
also
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 an argument
opposes
Correct pronoun usage
that opposes
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 it, I consider that it is
natural
Correct article usage
a natural
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 thing
they
Correct pronoun usage
that they
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 gain more and we have to accept that.
To begin
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 with, every individual in society has
it
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 role, and there is no way to
measured
Wrong verb form
measure
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 the importance of the job.
In other words
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, if we assume all
people
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work
Use synonyms
 with the government or any organisation that
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
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 citizens, over time we will not
them
Verb problem
see them
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 more, so they will start to find other
jop
Correct your spelling
jobs
.
In addition
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,
people
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 who
work
Use synonyms
 in other sectors
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 many times they give their companies
benefit
Verb problem
apply
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more
than
Check wording
benefits than
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other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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, but in
indirect
Correct article usage
an indirect
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 way.
For example
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, Ronaldo,
a
Correct article usage
an
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 athlete
Correct pronoun usage
who play
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play
Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
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in
Change preposition
apply
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soccer
Punctuation problem
soccer,
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 has achieved
a
Correct article usage
apply
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significant success and become famous around the world, which contributes to
make
Wrong verb form
making
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 tourists come to their country to now more about his habitat. Another point to consider, many
of
Change preposition
apply
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influencers do
a
Correct article usage
apply
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good things to support poor
people
Use synonyms
. It is
also
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 possible to say that sometimes they contribute to
help
Wrong verb form
helping
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 society more than others in their
way
Correct word choice
own way
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.
For instance
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, there is a big band called AUHSB band, per year they do a concert to raise money to help the poor or orphans, and they
had
Wrong verb form
have
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 raised more than 60 million dollars. In conclusion, despite
people
Use synonyms
 having different views, I believe that critics should not judge
people
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 based on their jobs, and all
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 essential in our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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, but we do not understand it easily.

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task achievement
Try to clearly explain your main points to make your ideas easier to understand.
task achievement
Make sure the main points are directly related to the question.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear linking words to connect your ideas better.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supports it well.
task achievement
You presented a clear opinion about the topic which shows your understanding.
task achievement
You used relevant examples to support your points, which is a positive aspect.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Public sector
  • 2. Societal well-being
  • 3. Compensation
  • 4. Perceived societal value
  • 5. Market demand
  • 6. Supply and demand
  • 7. Economic benefits
  • 8. Talent migration
  • 9. Ethical implications
  • 10. Equitable distribution
  • 11. Top talent
  • 12. Essential services
  • 13. Societal importance
  • 14. Public demand
  • 15. Fairness in compensation
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