IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays people have cosmetic surgery to improve life. Why do many more people choose these operations? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

In today`s modern era,
people
Use synonyms
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
choose to do
cosmatic
Correct your spelling
cosmetic
surgery
Use synonyms
 to improve their
life
Use synonyms
, because everyone
want
Correct subject-verb agreement
wants
show examples
 to look smart and beautiful, so they prefer to do medical
oprations
Correct your spelling
operations
 on
a
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 body. In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 is a
postive
Correct your spelling
positive
 development because anyone can overcome their disabilities and stay smart.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, everyone
want
Correct subject-verb agreement
wants
show examples
 to look young in today`s generation, and nobody
like
Replace the word
likes
show examples
disbility
Correct your spelling
disability
.
Due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 choose to do
cosmatic
Correct your spelling
cosmetic
surgery
Use synonyms
 to avoid wearing
eye glasses
Use the right word
eyeglasses
show examples
 and some
people
Use synonyms
going
Wrong verb form
go
show examples
 for
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 hair transplant to look handsome.
Moreover
Linking Words
, some females prefer to fix
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 teeth
problems
Use synonyms
 and
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
likes
Replace the word
like
show examples
 to do
surgery
Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
on
show examples
a
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 lips, in order to do
modeling
Use the right word
modelling
show examples
 and shooting.
For example
Linking Words
, there was an article in the Times of India which says more than half of the
filmstars
Use the right word
film stars
show examples
 and
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 athletes choose
do
Verb problem
to undergo
show examples
 medical
surgery
Use synonyms
 to look better in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public and shooting of
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
. In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 is a good development because some
people
Use synonyms
 can
also
Linking Words
 overcome
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 permanent disabilities and can live
normal
Correct article usage
a normal
show examples
life
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, many babies
born
Verb problem
are born
show examples
 with some minor health
problems
Use synonyms
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as a
ratina
Check wording
cleft lip
show examples
,
teeth
Check wording
palate
show examples
, in those cases
Linking Words
this
Punctuation problem
, this
show examples
 medical revolution can be useful to give them
normal
Correct article usage
a normal
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 in society.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, some little
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 can be
solve
Wrong verb form
solved
show examples
 by
this
Linking Words
surgery
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as obesity and hair fall, in order to give someone a happy
life
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, there was
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
research done by Western Sydney University which mentioned
new
Correct word choice
that new
show examples
 technology in
cosmatic
Correct your spelling
cosmetic
surgery
Use synonyms
 can fix many small
problems
Use synonyms
 in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 body, and improve lives in humans. In conclusion,
people
Use synonyms
 prefer to do surgeries to feel healthy and smart, and some
people
Use synonyms
 choose
this
Linking Words
 because they have some
health related
Use the right word
health-related
show examples
problems
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 believe
this
Linking Words
 is a positive invention to keep someone happy and healthy,
this
Linking Words
 is
also
Linking Words
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
meaningful for
modeling
Use the right word
modelling
show examples
 photography in
womens
Correct your spelling
women
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

language
Make sure to check your spelling and grammar. Words like 'cosmetic' and 'disability' are misspelled. Correct spelling helps your clarity.
structure
Use clear topic sentences to introduce each paragraph. This helps the reader to understand the main idea of each part.
content
Try to give more examples to support your ideas. This makes your arguments stronger and clearer.
cohesion
Use more linking words like 'however', 'therefore', and 'for example' to connect your ideas better.
task response
The essay addresses the question about cosmetic surgery and presents a clear opinion, which is good for task achievement.
content
You provided relevant examples, like the mention of filmstars and research from a university, to support your points.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: