IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, young adults are engaged in some kinds of work. Some people regard this as completely wrong. Others consider it as a valuable experience, important for learning and taking responsibilities. Discuss both views.

Undoubtedly , young individuals take part in some activities related to
work
Use synonyms
. Some people argue that it is not right,
whereas
Linking Words
 others reckon that
this
Linking Words
work
Use synonyms
 is precious to learn and to become responsible. I believe that both aspects are valid and convincing
as
Punctuation problem
, as
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 in a young age, there is adequate
time
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 and strength for improving culinary
skills
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,
whereas
Linking Words
 it
also
Linking Words
 results in distracting youngsters from academics. The primary reason why learners should engage in the
work
Use synonyms
 is that there is
availability
Check wording
an abundance
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 of
abundant
Correct word choice
apply
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time
Use synonyms
 in
early
Correct article usage
the early
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 years for learning. To be more precise, some
time
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 can be invested in learning
skills
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, which will be fruitful for the person in
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 professional career. As
professional
Correct article usage
the professional
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 world has shifted from demanding degrees to
skills
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,
this
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 will help one to get better internships and placements.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, early adulthood is the best
time
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 period to
involve
Verb problem
engage
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 in some extra
work
Use synonyms
due to
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 the advanced cognitive strength. In order to learn these
skills
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, youngsters must
enroll
Use the right word
enrol
show examples
 in vocational subjects. Eventually, the will power of performing tasks and mental health strengthen that help them to be responsible.
On the other hand
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, many individuals get distracted from studies
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 may have detrimental effects on their academic performance. Involving
in
Correct pronoun usage
oneself in
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 other
work
Use synonyms
, apart from academic
subjects
Punctuation problem
subjects,
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 may lead to indulgence in bad activities.
This
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 is because, during
this
Linking Words
Use synonyms
time
Punctuation problem
time,
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 a person interacts with different people and sometimes
fall
Correct subject-verb agreement
falls
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in
Change preposition
into
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 the vicious trap of mischievous people and
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
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 illegal acts by following their instructions.
Also
Linking Words
, they get distant from studying and lose their interest in theoretical subjects.
Consequently
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,
study
Correct article usage
the study
show examples
 is no longer captivating for them.
This
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 reflects
irresponsiblity
Correct your spelling
irresponsibility
 in their personality. In conclusion, I believe that both pursuits are equally important because learning some type of other
work
Use synonyms
 is beneficial as teenagers have
proper
Correct article usage
the proper
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 and power to be invested in
such
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work
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, whilst
this
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 may serve as a distraction from studies for several students.

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task achievement
Expand your points with more examples to support your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Work on linking your ideas more smoothly to improve flow between paragraphs.
grammar
Make sure to check for spelling errors, such as 'irresponsiblity' – it should be 'irresponsibility'.
content
You clearly stated both sides of the argument.
structure
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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