IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying full-time or part-time. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 information about the
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 were studying
Use synonyms
part
Use the right word
part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 or
full
Use the right word
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 in
british
Fix capitalization
British
show examples
education
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
full
Use the right word
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
 showed an upward trend,
it
Correct word choice
and it
show examples
also
Linking Words
 showed some fluctuations.
Use synonyms
Part
Use the right word
Part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
experinced
Correct your spelling
experienced
downward
Correct article usage
a downward
show examples
 trend,
it
Correct word choice
and it
show examples
also
Linking Words
 showed some fluctuations. At the beginning,
Full
Use the right word
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
 was lower, and it rose slightly.
At the end
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
part
Use the right word
part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
 became higher and
grow
Wrong verb form
grew
show examples
 quickly. In 1970,
Use synonyms
part
Use the right word
part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
 for
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 was about 1000
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
, and female was around 780
figure
Check wording
apply
show examples
.
Then
Linking Words
Part
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
time
Use the right word
part-time
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
decreased to 900
The
Punctuation problem
. The
show examples
 total
of
Check wording
number of
show examples
 males
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
also
Linking Words
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
rose for the
women
Use synonyms
 to 830
individual
Check wording
apply
show examples
in 1980.
However
Linking Words
, the male and female population
was climbed
Verb problem
increased
show examples
 gradually.
This
Linking Words
 led to the number of men
increased
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
 to almost 870 compared to 1150
women
Use synonyms
 in 1990. In 1971,
full
Use the right word
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
 for
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 was around 100 individual of men, and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 about 50
women
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Then
Punctuation problem
Then,
show examples
Full
Use the right word
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
rose to 200 in 1981.
However
Linking Words
, for ladies
was
Verb problem
apply
show examples
increased quickly
around
Change preposition
to around
show examples
 240 in 1981, and continued to
grew
Wrong verb form
grow
show examples
 moderately to the end of the period
Punctuation problem
, Reaching
show examples
Reaching
Fix capitalization
reaching
show examples
 nearly for the man 350
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
and the
women
Use synonyms
 340 in 1991.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words part, time, education, women with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuations" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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