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Writing Samples
Band 8

Eating too much sugar is harmful for health. Some people think that it is government responsibility to limit people’s sugar consumption, while others think that it is individuals responsibility to limit the amount of sugar they eat. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Introduction
Due to
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 its detrimental effects on health, it is debated whether the government or individuals should be responsible for limiting excessive
sugar
Use synonyms
 intake.
Although
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 the state has powerful tools to address
this
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 issue, I believe that people should primarily depend on themselves, as they are the main beneficiaries of maintaining good health.
Body paragraph 1
From one perspective, authorities can mitigate the problem at its source by implementing regulations that control the amount of
sugar
Use synonyms
 added to products during manufacturing, or by imposing taxes on sugary goods.
Consequently
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, consumers may reduce their intake, even subconsciously, resulting in a healthier society.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 could decrease pressure on the country’s healthcare system.
For example
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, the USA has one of the highest obesity rates, and relatively limited restrictions on added
sugar
Use synonyms
, combined with the low prices of sweetened products, may contribute to
this
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 problem.
Nevertheless
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, I believe that the government’s role is secondary to that of the public.
Body paragraph 2
From another perspective, individuals can have a more direct impact on their well-being by controlling what they consume.
Although
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 authorities can regulate the amount of
sugar
Use synonyms
 used in manufactured goods, completely prohibiting companies from using it could have negative economic consequences.
Moreover
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, governments cannot prevent consumers from purchasing unhealthy products.
In contrast
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, people can choose to avoid
such
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 items and closely monitor their dietary habits. Since they are the primary beneficiaries of a healthy lifestyle, they have a strong incentive to make these choices, which can lower their risk of diabetes, obesity, and other diseases.
For instance
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, many people nowadays voluntarily follow low-
sugar
Use synonyms
 diets to lose weight and improve their
overall
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 well-being.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 authorities can introduce regulations and taxes to discourage excessive intake, I believe that the primary responsibility lies with individuals, as they have the greatest control over their dietary choices and health

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Task response
You discuss both sides and make your own view clear. To make the answer even stronger, explain more fully why the state role is less important than personal choice. For example, say why rules and taxes cannot change what people choose to buy at home.
Task response
Your main ideas are clear: the state can use rules and taxes, while people control their own food. Add one more real and clear detail to each side. The USA example is useful, but it would be stronger if you showed how a tax or food rule changed buying habits.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part plan: opening, one side, the other side, and ending. Each paragraph has one main idea, so it is easy to follow.
Coherence and cohesion
Your linking words work well, such as “From one perspective”, “Furthermore”, “Nevertheless”, and “In contrast”. Still, some links can be more direct. For example, after the USA example, clearly link it back to the point about state action.
Coherence and cohesion
The last sentence is cut off because it ends with “health” without a full stop. Check the final line before you hand in your work.
Task response
You answer all parts of the question: you discuss government action, personal duty, and give a clear opinion.
Task response
Your view stays the same from the opening to the ending: people have the main duty because they control their daily food choices.
Coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is natural and clear. The second body paragraph directly supports your own view, which makes the essay easy to understand.
Coherence and cohesion
Examples about obesity in the USA and low-sugar diets help make the ideas more real and relevant.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • sugar
  • health
  • government
  • people
  • individual
  • limit
  • responsibility
  • eat
  • drink
  • tax
  • policy
  • rules
  • ads
  • children
  • schools
  • meals
  • label
  • warning
  • plan
  • choice
  • habit
  • education
  • money
  • cost
  • balance
  • freedom
  • environment
  • support
  • information
  • risk
  • prevention
  • efforts
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