IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

What are the advantages and disadvantages of working in same place as other members of your family? Give reasons or examples to support your opinion?

People
Use synonyms
 could
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
possible
Replace the word
possibly
show examples
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
work
Use synonyms
together with
Linking Words
 other relatives in
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 office or
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
a bussiness
show examples
bussiness
Correct your spelling
business
. Some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that
could
Correct pronoun usage
it could
show examples
 be beneficial,
while
Linking Words
 others think that it will be more challenging.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explain the benefits and drawbacks of it issue.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
people
Use synonyms
 can get
emotional
Correct article usage
an emotional
show examples
advantageous
Replace the word
advantage
show examples
 if
Use synonyms
work
Correct pronoun usage
they work
show examples
 with their family.
People
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
trust
Correct article usage
a trust
show examples
Use synonyms
relation
Replace the word
relationship
show examples
 with their family rather than with new
people
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
whom
show examples
 they
never
Verb problem
have never
show examples
 met before.
However
Linking Words
,
work
Use synonyms
 with family mostly can happen if they
work
Use synonyms
 at
family
Correct article usage
a family
show examples
Use synonyms
bussiness
Correct your spelling
business
, so that they can feel safe to delegate their secret
Use synonyms
bussiness
Correct your spelling
business
.
For instance
Linking Words
, a father who owned a restaurant might prepare their son to manage their restaurant and keep the recipe of the main dish safe.
In addition
Linking Words
, in a
company
Use synonyms
 who owned by
individual
Correct article usage
an individual
show examples
,
finance
Correct article usage
the finance
show examples
 sector
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 usually
manage
Wrong verb form
managed
show examples
 by the family of the owner.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 with family could
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
increase the
relationship
Use synonyms
 among family members and increase trust and easily develop good communication in a
Use synonyms
bussiness
Correct your spelling
business
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 with family could be
Correct article usage
a disadvantages
show examples
disadvantages
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantage
show examples
 if they can not maintain their professionalism and fail to
bulid
Correct your spelling
build
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
relationship
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
other
Fix the agreement mistake
another
show examples
 disadvantage is
Use synonyms
people
Correct word choice
that people
show examples
 who have family
Use synonyms
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
 could be
fraud
Replace the word
fraudulent
show examples
 at a
company
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
 their agreement.
As a result
Linking Words
, it might
relation
Use synonyms
 problems that reduce their performance.
For example
Linking Words
,
married
Correct article usage
a married
show examples
 couple who
work
Use synonyms
 together in
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
company
Use synonyms
 possibly reduce their performance if they have
problem
Correct article usage
a problem
show examples
 at home.
Hence
Linking Words
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
companies
are
Verb problem
do
show examples
 not
allowed
Wrong verb form
allow
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 who have
marital
Correct article usage
a marital
show examples
relationship
Use synonyms
 or
family
Correct article usage
a family
show examples
relationship
Use synonyms
 to
work
Use synonyms
 together in
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
company
Use synonyms
. To
sump
Use the right word
sum
show examples
 up,
either
Correct word choice
both
show examples
 benefits and drawbacks,
Use synonyms
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 with family in
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
company
Use synonyms
 or
Use synonyms
bussiness
Correct your spelling
business
 are common in all
contries
Correct your spelling
countries
. As long as they can keep their
profesionalism
Correct your spelling
professionalism
 to separate family
Use synonyms
relation
Fix the agreement mistake
relations
show examples
 and partner
Use synonyms
relation
Fix the agreement mistake
relations
show examples
.

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task achievement
Your introduction should clearly state your opinion or main point about the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to separate your ideas into clear paragraphs, each with a main point.
coherence and cohesion
Try to improve your grammar and spelling, like using 'disadvantages' instead of 'disadvantages'.
task achievement
Conclude with a strong summary of the main points to give a clear end to your essay.
task achievement
You provided examples to explain your points, which is good.
task achievement
You talked about both advantages and disadvantages, showing a balanced view.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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