IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some say that the standard of behavior among children has worsened and that this is their parents’ fault; others say that schools are to blame. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

While
Linking Words
 some people say that the standard of
Use synonyms
behavior
Use the right word
behaviour
show examples
 among
children
Use synonyms
 has worsened
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
that is
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 their
parents
Use synonyms
’ fault. Others claim that schools are to blame. Personally, I partially agree
people
Change preposition
with people
show examples
 who say that the standard of
Use synonyms
behavior
Use the right word
behaviour
show examples
 among
children
Use synonyms
 has worsened and
that is
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 their
parents
Use synonyms
’ fault.
The supporting
Replace the word
Support
show examples
 will be given throughout
this
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 essay. On the one hand, family causes
affecting
Wrong verb form
affect
show examples
Use synonyms
behavior
Use the right word
behaviour
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 in
children
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.
Parents
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 are the first
persons
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people to
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 teach their
children
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 about lessons in life and
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behavior
Use the right word
behaviour
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for
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toward
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 others.
Therefore
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,
children
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 will be affected by
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behavior
Use the right word
behaviour
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, individuals
from
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apply
show examples
from their
parents
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 first.
Moreover
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, the heartlessness of
parents
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 will leave an impact on the child’s emotions and
behaviors
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behaviours
show examples
.
Firstly
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,
parents
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 do not care about
children
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, do not pay attention to them or do not take thoughtful care of them
in
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for
show examples
 a long time
or
Correct word choice
which
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 in the development stage
has
Verb problem
apply
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psychological changes in
children
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.
Parents
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 just pay attention to their job, earning money or put their youngster to stay with grandparents
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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then
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 they go to work.
Secondly
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,
parents
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excessive
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excessively
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 overprotect their
children
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 and lack
the
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apply
show examples
discipline and
strict
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strictness
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, so that the youngster will have
Correct article usage
an inssolent
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inssolent
Correct your spelling
insolent
 attitude with others,
the special
Rephrase
especially
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adults
Punctuation problem
adults,
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 when they are not satisfied
the
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with the
show examples
children
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.
Moreover
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,
children
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 can imitate their
parents
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 and follow bad habits that
children
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 should not have
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For
Punctuation problem
. For
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 example, if a child
grow
Correct subject-verb agreement
grows
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 up in a toxic family and must live in
nervous
Correct article usage
a nervous
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 environment
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
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 arguing, family discord,...
children
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 will be influenced
to
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apply
show examples
psychological
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psychologically
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, they will
easier
Rephrase
be more likely
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 to
anger
Wrong verb form
get angry
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 with the people around their lives.
On the other hand
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,
school
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also
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 play
an
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a
show examples
 crucial role
of
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in
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 determining the
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behavior
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behaviour
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 of
children
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.
Children
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 spend at least 6-8 hours per day at
school
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 so that education environment, friends, teacher play an importance role with
children
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 because
this
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 is a place where they learn how to interact with the society and develop ethical values so that if the
behavior
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, speech, action of individuals in
this
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 environment not good, it can cause the negative influences to the growth of
children
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.
For example
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, the
school
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 violence
acivities
Correct your spelling
activities
 when appearing without timely and reasonable
resolved
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resolution
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 can cause bad habits not only for bullies but
also
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 to cause misleading moral trends for other
children
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.
To conclude
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, adults play an
imprtant
Correct your spelling
important
 role in the development of
children
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. So that
parents
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 and
famly
Correct your spelling
family
 need to
collab
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collaborate
show examples
 with
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school
Correct article usage
the school
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 to teach
children
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 how to
Use synonyms
behavior
Replace the word
behave
show examples
 and bring
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them a beautiful childhood.

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Task Achievement
Make your introduction clearer. Make sure to clearly state your opinion about both sides.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organize your ideas better. Use paragraphs to separate different points. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily.
Task Achievement
In your body paragraphs, give more examples related to your points. This will make your arguments stronger and easier to understand.
Coherence and Cohesion
Pay attention to grammar and spelling. There are a few mistakes that make the essay harder to read. For example, 'inssolent' should be 'insolent'.
Content
You have shown a clear view that parents and schools both have a role in child behavior.
Content
You provided good reasoning for why parents can influence children’s behavior.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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