IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Is it important to save money and include younger people

It is often argued that it is crucial to save
money
Use synonyms
 for your own future
including
Punctuation problem
, including
show examples
 the youngest. I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion, as I believe that
will
Correct pronoun usage
it will
show examples
 protect
people
Use synonyms
 from financial stress and
assisting
Wrong verb form
assist
show examples
youngest
Correct article usage
the youngest
show examples
 to manage their financial issues from earlier stages.
Firstly
Linking Words
,protecting
people
Use synonyms
 from financial stress.
This
Linking Words
 is because saving
money
Use synonyms
 will enhance their ways of spending the
money
Use synonyms
 on unnecessary things
instead
Linking Words
 of
paying
Verb problem
buying
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
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new things
already
Correct pronoun usage
that already
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exists
Correct subject-verb agreement
exist
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,save the
money
Use synonyms
For example
Linking Words
, phones serve and
works
Correct subject-verb agreement
work
show examples
 up to five years
if
Punctuation problem
. If
show examples
 you follow the
trend
Punctuation problem
trend,
show examples
 you will end to
buy
Wrong verb form
buying
show examples
 a new mobile that you do not need
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, saving
money
Use synonyms
 will assist
youngest
Correct article usage
the youngest
show examples
 to manage their financial issues from earlier stages.
This
Linking Words
 point is supported by a study reported in a magazine published in
2000
Punctuation problem
2000,
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approved
Verb problem
which found
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 that the youngest
people
Use synonyms
 who had a small
responsibly
Replace the word
responsibility
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of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their
money
Use synonyms
benefit
Wrong verb form
benefited
show examples
 them in a beneficial way.
For instance
Linking Words
, give the youngest a budget for one week and ask them to manage their financial situation with
this
Linking Words
money
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they will learn and save
money
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 might argue that it is not good to include
youngest
Correct article usage
the youngest
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 and there is no need to save
money
Use synonyms
Linking Words
While
Punctuation problem
. While
show examples
this
Linking Words
 view has some merit, I believe it is less convincing because a lot of unexpected
eventshappened
Correct your spelling
events happened
 and needed an urgent solution. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 there are arguments on both sides, I firmly believe that saving
money
Use synonyms
 is a good way to be less
stressful
Correct word choice
stressed
show examples
 about financial
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 is
due to
Linking Words
 including
youngest
Correct article usage
the youngest
show examples
 to be more rational about their spending .
Thus
Linking Words
, encouraging the youngest would be
more bright
Correct word choice
brighter
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their future

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your main points at the beginning. This helps readers understand your argument better.
coherence
Use clear connection words like 'firstly', 'secondly', and 'in conclusion' to guide the reader through your ideas.
task achievement
Try to include more examples that relate directly to your points to support your ideas better.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion about the importance of saving money.
coherence
The structure of the essay is good, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial independence
  • financial literacy
  • emergencies
  • major purchases
  • financial discipline
  • unforeseen expenses
  • financial instability
  • asset building
  • accumulating wealth
  • financial commitments
  • accumulating debt
  • achieving financial goals
  • financial security
  • cushion
  • instill discipline
What to do next:
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