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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Doctors in many countries are saying that people are not getting enough physical exercise. What are the causes of this and how it can be addresses?

There is no denying the fact that many
people
Use synonyms
,
nowawdays
Correct your spelling
nowadays
, do not do
exercises
Check wording
apply
show examples
enough
and
Check wording
exercise and
show examples
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon has
widely spread
Correct word order
spread widely
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 in various countries.
This
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 essay will analyse
discuss
Correct word choice
and discuss
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 the reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 trend and
suggesst
Correct your spelling
suggest
 some
potentional soluations
Correct your spelling
potential solutions
 to
trackle
Correct your spelling
tackle
this
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 problem.
To begin
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 with, there are many causes for
this
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 issues.
Firstly
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, the new lifestyle force them to spend their time in other important things.
In other words
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, most citizens consume their energy in their
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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 or study, so they can not find
enouth
Correct your spelling
enough
 time to practice some sports.
In addition
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, many kind of business focus and depend on office work, there are a lack of works that require movement In terms of
soluations
Correct your spelling
solutions
,
government
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the government
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 should
enqurage
Correct your spelling
encourage
 citizens to add some sports
in
Change preposition
to
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 their routine. It is
also
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 possible to say that they can organising awareness campaigns amoung
people
Use synonyms
 to explain the importance of the movement and how it can improve our health in a good way.
Moreover
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, putting a lot of
gym
Fix the agreement mistake
gyms
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 or small places in all
neighborhoods
Use the right word
neighbourhoods
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, where they can find a good environment for practice, will be an effective method to motivate them.
For instance
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,
according to
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 statistics held in America, they found out that
people
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 who live in
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 that have a good gym in it, do sport activities more than
people
Use synonyms
 who live in regions
with out
Use the right word
without
show examples
. In conclusion, there are many reasons that have caused to make new generation
do
Verb problem
to do
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 sports rarely. It is
also
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 true that
this
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 issue is solvable if countries and
population
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populations
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 cooperate
together
Rephrase
apply
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in the right way.

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Language
Make sure to proofread for spelling and grammar mistakes. For example, "nowadays" and "suggest" are misspelled.
Content
You clearly state the issue and give some solutions, which shows good understanding of the topic.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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