IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

It has been observed that many advertising companies try to demonstrate that their products have something new every time to make
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 attractive
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 customers. I believe that
drawbacks
Correct article usage
the drawbacks
show examples
 of these actions surpass
merits
Correct article usage
the merits
show examples
. My position is elaborated
further
Linking Words
 with reasons and relevant
example
Fix the agreement mistake
examples
show examples
. To examine
reasons
Correct article usage
the reasons
show examples
 behind indicating novel quality about
products
Punctuation problem
products,
show examples
 is it
catch
Wrong verb form
catching
show examples
people
Check wording
people's
show examples
 eye easily.
Moreover
Linking Words
, as competition increases for
brands
Add a comma
brands,
show examples
 it is important to make changes and pass
message
Correct article usage
the message
show examples
 to the public about it by advertisement.
For example
Linking Words
, in India
dairy
Punctuation problem
, dairy
show examples
 milk was getting
sell
Replace the word
sold
show examples
 at
price
Correct article usage
a price
show examples
 of 20 rupees and now
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 size of it
available
Verb problem
is available
show examples
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 15 rupees.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, for public awareness and
Verb problem
to maximize
show examples
maximize
Use the right word
maximise
show examples
 the business profit and selling quantity
it
Punctuation problem
, it
show examples
 is necessary to show
updated
Correct article usage
an updated
show examples
 version of the same product. There are many disadvantages of presenting changes for
marketing
Punctuation problem
marketing,
show examples
 as those can be false and harmful to physical health. Not only
companies
Verb problem
do companies
show examples
 indicate faulty improvements and innovations
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 just to stand out in a
market
Punctuation problem
market,
show examples
 they trap innocent people to
built
Wrong verb form
build
show examples
profitable
Correct article usage
a profitable
show examples
 business.
For instance
Linking Words
,
In
Fix capitalization
in
show examples
 India government found out about
presence
Correct article usage
the presence
show examples
 of impurities of
non vegetarian
Use the right word
non-vegetarian
show examples
 material in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Nestle
Check wording
Nestle's
show examples
 famous new version of Maggie
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 used
claim
Verb problem
to claim
show examples
before
Change preposition
to
show examples
 about making pure vegetarian
Maggie
Check wording
product
show examples
.
To sum up
Linking Words
, in terms of reaching out to people about new
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
, services
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
companies
Check wording
companies'
show examples
 progress the marketing plays
vital
Correct article usage
a vital
show examples
 role.
However
Linking Words
, there are many
organizations
Use the right word
organisations
show examples
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 take advantage of it in a negative way.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should make strict laws and regulations on
advertisement
Replace the word
advertising
show examples
 and marketing.

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coherence and cohesion
Your introduction presents your opinion, which is good, but you could restate the question more clearly. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea that supports your position. Try to connect your ideas better between paragraphs.
task achievement
Some points lack depth and support. For example, the example you provided about Dairy Milk could be explained better. Additionally, make sure each paragraph fully explains how the example relates to your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to grammar and sentence structure. Some sentences can be confusing or contain errors that make it hard for the reader to follow your ideas. Try to use simpler sentences that are clear and correct.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion and take a strong position in your essay. This shows your engagement with the topic, which is important for a good score.
task achievement
You included relevant examples, which can help to support your points. This is a great step towards effectively answering the question.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • emphasise
  • advertising
  • products
  • innovation
  • competitive strategy
  • consumer dissatisfaction
  • value
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