IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many people aim to achieve a balance between thier work and lifes, but few people achieve it. What are the causes of this? How to overcome this problem

A lot of individuals worry about how to keep borders between two vital sides of
life
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: occupation and private
life
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.
However
Linking Words
, the number of
people
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 who can keep
this
Linking Words
 balance is rare.
This
Linking Words
 issue
to
Punctuation problem
, to
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 a huge
extent
Punctuation problem
extent,
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 is a result of financial problems and
time
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 management. In a lot of cases, employees do not receive enough salary to make ends meet, which makes them work overtime or do more than one job just to provide essential needs.
This
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 can damage their personal
life
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, and they feel a lack of
time
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 to rest or spend
time
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 with their families. To address
this
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 concern, effective action can be taken. First of all, increasing salaries can reduce the need for long working hours and help
people
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 access a healthier lifestyle.
Moreover
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, giving aid funds and cash bonuses or cutting taxes can support employees and reduce their dependence on extra jobs. Governments and employers should offer more flexible options that give
people
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 more control over their
time
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. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 financial pressure, poor
time
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 management usually prevent separating
life
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 and work. But
,
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apply
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 with financial support, working policy improvement, these problems can be solved. By taking appropriate action, more
people
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 can enjoy
suitable
Correct article usage
a suitable
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 working position and welfare.

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task achievement
The introduction could be clearer. Try stating the main idea more strongly.
coherence cohesion
Use clearer links between ideas in your paragraphs.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to support your points.
task achievement
The essay clearly states the problem of balancing work and life.
task achievement
You provided some good solutions that can help solve the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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