IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that too much attentions and too many resources give rise to the protection of wild animals and birds. Do you agree or disagree?

In
this
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 contemporary epoch,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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wildlife
Use synonyms
 is on the verge of extinction. It is believed by some individuals that if proper care and attention
would be
Wrong verb form
were
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 given to the
Use synonyms
animals
Punctuation problem
animals,
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then
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 they could be saved.
This
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 essay intends to elaborate on the reasons why I completely agree with
this
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 notion, in the
upcomig
Correct your spelling
upcoming
 paragraphs. To commence with, the
wildlife
Use synonyms
 creatures
such
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 as
lion
Fix the agreement mistake
lions
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,
tiger
Fix the agreement mistake
tigers
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, etc. are disappearing from the world at a faster pace
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then
Use the right word
than
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 we can expect. The number of tigers left in the universe
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 countable.
Therefore
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, if immediate actions are not taken at
right
Correct article usage
the right
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 time
;
Punctuation problem
,
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 it will just be a matter of time
that
Change preposition
before
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 tigers
would be
Verb problem
become
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 extinct like dinosaurs.
For instance
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, a recent survey conducted by the Animal Welfare Organisation revealed that their
compaign
Correct your spelling
campaign
, Save Tiger, made people aware
about
Change preposition
of
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 the consequences of
wildlife
Use synonyms
 extinction.
This
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further
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 assisted them
to raise
Change preposition
in raising
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 money to save
lives
Correct article usage
the lives
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 of various
animals
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
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,
younsters
Correct your spelling
youngsters
 from different schools came forward to lend
hand
Correct article usage
a hand
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 to preserve forests - the habitat of
animals
Use synonyms
 and birds. Probing
further
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, the concept of food chain is quite simple,
but
Correct word choice
apply
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yet complex if you go deeper and think about it wisely. Human beings,
animals
Use synonyms
, birds, and other small
creatues
Correct your spelling
creatures
 are all inter-linked with each other. Even if one creature is in
problem
Use the right word
trouble
show examples
, it will definitely affect the other in some way.
For instance
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, the rising water pollution is making
impossible
Correct pronoun usage
it impossible
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 for
fishes
Fix the agreement mistake
fish
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 to survive. Since they consume the heavy metals from the sea water and die, those heavy metals like lead, mercury, arsenic,
etc.
Punctuation problem
etc.,
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 enter the food chain through fish to humans and other
animals
Use synonyms
 who feed on them.
As a result
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, the stringent rules and regulations would help to decrease
the
Correct article usage
apply
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water pollution by prohibiting companies from dumping their waste into
sea
Correct article usage
the sea
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 and oceans.
To conclude
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, it can be inferred from the above confabulation that government and private organisations need to step forward to save the planet by making people aware
about
Change preposition
of
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 the importance of
animals
Use synonyms
 and birds.
Consequently
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,
this
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 could only be done by promoting afforestation and making strict laws to preserve the
wildlife
Use synonyms
 by prohibiting animal hunting.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to summarize your main points clearly in the introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
Try to give more examples that are specific and easy to understand to support your ideas better.
coherence and cohesion
Connect your ideas more smoothly using linking words like 'firstly', 'next', and 'finally'.
task achievement
You have good examples that show the importance of wildlife and the impact of pollution.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas about the food chain and the connection between humans and nature are well explained.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • resource allocation
  • conservation
  • intrinsic value
  • ecosystem
  • biodiversity
  • sustainable
  • ethical responsibilities
  • species extinction
  • wildlife protection
  • economic development
  • human welfare
  • environmental ethics
  • endangered species
  • habitat preservation
  • biocentric
  • anthropocentric
  • eco-centric
  • biodiversity hotspot
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