IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

It is observed that in many countries not enough students are choosing to study science subject what are the causes? What will be its effect society?

In contemporary times,
people
Use synonyms
 observed that in many countries a small group of
people
Use synonyms
 are choosing a
study
Use synonyms
science
Use synonyms
 , and
this
Linking Words
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
number of
stuents
Correct your spelling
students
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 not enough. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will examine all the relevant facets based on factual premises. On the
on
Use the right word
one
show examples
 hand, there are some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
different aspects
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 some
people
Use synonyms
 today focus
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
bulid
Correct your spelling
building
 their own
busniess
Correct your spelling
business
, and the way to
improves
Wrong verb form
improve
show examples
 these ideas is to
study
Use synonyms
 courses in
business
Correct article usage
the business
show examples
filed
Use the right word
field
show examples
Linking Words
thus
Punctuation problem
; thus
show examples
, reduce number of
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 who
Verb problem
are intreseted
show examples
intreseted
Correct your spelling
interested
 in
science
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 social
science
Use synonyms
,
science
Use synonyms
 fiction .
Moreover
Linking Words
, it
it
Use the right word
is
show examples
 worth noting that development in social media makes
people
Use synonyms
 only think about
themselvs
Correct your spelling
themselves
, and forget about society because they want to achieve a high standard of living.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 will impact
negtively
Correct your spelling
negatively
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the countries, because they must develop new methods
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and technologies to avoid economic problems and help the community
take
Use the right word
make
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
study
Replace the word
studying
show examples
science
Use synonyms
 makes
individual's
Check wording
individuals
show examples
 feel
boring
Correct word choice
bored
show examples
, because they do not want to
thank
Use the right word
think
show examples
 more about
negative
Correct article usage
the negative
show examples
 impacts on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
According to
Linking Words
 the research conducted by
Westren Sydeny
Correct your spelling
Western Sydney
 University, some
scientific
Replace the word
scientists
show examples
 try to make
science
Use synonyms
 subjects
intreseting
Correct your spelling
interesting
 to attract
new
Correct article usage
the new
show examples
 generation by
increase
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
 the salary.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 will help them
impove
Correct your spelling
improve
 society,
in addition
Linking Words
 to
that solve
Wrong verb form
solving
show examples
 the problems that
impacts
Correct subject-verb agreement
impact
show examples
 to community by using technology. In conclusion, considering the conclusive proof presented above, all countries around the world
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
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governments
Punctuation problem
governments,
show examples
 need to attract
people
Use synonyms
 to
study
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
science
Correct article usage
the science
show examples
filed
Use the right word
field
show examples
, because it is essential to
enhance
Verb problem
address
show examples
 social challenges.

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coherence
The introduction is unclear and does not clearly state the main points of the essay. Try to clearly introduce the topic and your arguments in the introduction.
coherence
You need to organize your ideas better. Use paragraphs for each main idea and ensure that each paragraph flows into the next
task achievement
Include more specific examples related to science subjects to support your points. This will make your essay stronger.
coherence
The conclusion needs to summarize the main ideas clearly and reinforce your arguments. Make sure it ties back to your introduction.
task achievement
You have a clear attempt to address both the causes and effects in your essay, which shows an understanding of the task.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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