IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

peoplIt is observed that in many countries not enough students are choosing to study science subject what are the causes? What will be its effect society?

In contemporary times,
people
Use synonyms
 observed that in many countries a small group of
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
 are choosing a study
science
Use synonyms
 , and
this
Linking Words
 is number of students is not enough. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will examine all the relevant facets based on factual premises. On the one hand, there are some different aspects , but some
people
Use synonyms
 today focus
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 building their own business, and the way to improve these ideas is to study courses in the business field ;
thus
Linking Words
,
reduce
Wrong verb form
reducing
show examples
number
Correct article usage
the number
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 of students who
interested
Verb problem
are interested
show examples
 in
science
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 social
science
Use synonyms
,
technique
Replace the word
technical
show examples
 fiction .
Moreover
Linking Words
, it is worth noting that development in social media makes
people
Use synonyms
 only think about themselves, and forget about society
because
Punctuation problem
, because
show examples
 they want to achieve a high standard of living.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 will
impact negatively
Correct word order
negatively impact
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the countries, because they must develop new methods
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and technologies to avoid economic problems and help the community make decisions.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, studying
science
Use synonyms
 makes individuals feel bored
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 because they do not want to think more about the negative impacts on society.
According to
Linking Words
 the research conducted by Western Sydney University, some scientists try to make
science
Use synonyms
 subjects interesting to attract the new generation by increasing the salary.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 will help them improve society,
in addition
Linking Words
 to solving the problems that impact to community by using technology. In conclusion, considering the conclusive proof presented above, all countries around the world , especially governments, need to attract
people
Use synonyms
 to study the
science
Use synonyms
 field, because it is essential to address social challenges.

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task achievement
Make sure each paragraph clearly relates to the main topic. Try to have specific examples for each idea you discuss.
coherence and cohesion
Improve your transitions between sentences to make the flow smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Focus on simplifying your language to convey ideas more directly and clearly.
task achievement
The essay addresses the question and presents opinions on the causes of students not choosing science.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of having separate paragraphs for causes and effects is clear.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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