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Writing Samples
Band 5

Computers and modems have made it possible for office workers to do much of their work from home instead of working in offices every day. But still some people prefer to work in offices. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Technology has increased
as
Change preposition
apply
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compared to the past decades.
Now
Punctuation problem
Now,
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 most
of
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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individuals prefer to
work
Use synonyms
 remotely because of having
less distraction
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer distractions
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 and flexible
hours
Use synonyms
,
whereas
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 others prefer to follow the traditional working style as they need assistance and inspiration from their co-workers. I am with the latter view. I think
office
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hours
Use synonyms
 help people to stay productive and attentive. On the one hand,
No
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no
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 doubt, working from
home
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 basically
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
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 a friendly environment, which is essential to focus effectively.
Also
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,
home
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-based
work
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 is away from all the distractions,
frustration
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frustrations
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, and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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pressures of
work
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. Individuals can simply perform their
task
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tasks
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 with full dedication and determination, which automatically
enhance
Correct subject-verb agreement
enhances
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 business productivity.
Moreover
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, working from
home
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 provides flexible
hours
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, convenience to employees to set their own time for distinct tasks, and
reduce
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduces
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 commuting time.
Also
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, they can get enough time to spend with their families to
fulfill
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fulfil
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 their desires as well.
For instance
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, they can plan for
family
Correct article usage
a family
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 outing, shopping, and
for
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apply
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watching
movie
Correct article usage
a movie
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 at
cinema
Correct article usage
the cinema
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 to maintain their stronger relationship. I think those people who
work
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 from
home
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 may experience
the
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apply
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feelings of depression and isolation
,
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apply
show examples
 when they have no social interaction.
On the other hand
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, some individuals
prioritize
Use the right word
prioritise
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
office
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 because of
having
Verb problem
apply
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several benefits. The first and foremost is that
,
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apply
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 those candidates who recently joined the company
,
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apply
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 are unable to know the rules and their working style. So, they need training and guidance from their seniors to
work
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 smoothly
,
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apply
show examples
 and efficiently.
For instance
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, how to create and submit documents, attending and scheduling meetings,
prepare
Wrong verb form
preparing
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 presentations,
etcetera
Correct your spelling
etc.
, needs professional help, which is possible only at
workplace
Correct article usage
the workplace
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.
Secondly
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, some prefer to get advice, inspiration,
encouragement
Correct word choice
and encouragement
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 from their staff members. In
this
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 way, they feel motivated
,
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apply
show examples
 and productive when they are working in a traditional setting. I believe business
hours
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 develop interpersonal skills among workers
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such
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, such
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 as teamwork, face-to-face interaction,
co-ordination
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coordination
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, and leadership.
To sum up
Linking Words
, undoubtedly, computers and modems are used by
office
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 workers at
home
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 because they can set their own schedules,
whereas
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 others think the
office
Use synonyms
hours
Use synonyms
 are the best to get timely help from their colleagues to perform the tasks effectively.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to include more specific examples and clear connections between your ideas. This will make your points easier to follow. Consider how your paragraphs connect logically to improve this.
task achievement
Strengthen your introduction by clearly outlining both views before stating your opinion. This sets a clear direction for your essay.
task achievement
Don't forget to summarize your ideas more clearly in the conclusion. It should reflect both sides and clearly state your opinion without introducing new ideas.
task achievement
You provided a balanced view of both sides of the argument, which is good for task achievement.
task achievement
The use of specific situations, like the need for training and assistance in the office, adds depth to your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • office
  • home
  • work
  • people
  • environment
  • flexible
  • productivity
  • routine
  • structure
  • social
  • interaction
  • team
  • communication
  • motivated
  • effective
  • meeting
  • remote
  • culture
  • connected
  • isolation
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