IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The bar chart below shows the percentage participation of men in senior development in three companies between 1980 and the year 2010 . Summaries the information by selecting and reporting in the main features, make comparisons where relevant .

The bar chart below shows the percentage participation of men in senior development in three companies between 1980 and the year 2010 . Summaries the information by selecting and reporting in the main features, make comparisons where relevant .
The bar chart illustrates the percentage of male employees in senior development roles at three different companies between 1980 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, the proportion of men in senior positions varied among the three companies over the years.
While
Linking Words
 some companies experienced a decline in male leadership, others saw a gradual increase or maintained a consistent level. In 1980,
Company
Use synonyms
 A had the highest percentage of male participation in senior roles, followed closely by
Company
Use synonyms
 B,
while
Linking Words
Company
Use synonyms
 C had the lowest. Over the years,
Company
Use synonyms
 A experienced a noticeable decline in male leadership, dropping steadily by 2010.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
Company
Use synonyms
 C showed a consistent increase in male participation in senior development, reaching a peak in 2010.
Company
Use synonyms
 B’s figures remained relatively stable throughout the period, with only minor fluctuations between the three recorded years.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words company with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • percentage participation
  • senior development roles
  • observed trends
  • notable increases/decreases
  • significant changes
  • consistency over time
  • influencing factors
  • industry shifts
  • socio-economic factors
  • comparison of data
  • similarities and differences
  • overall trends
  • implications
What to do next:
Look at other essays: