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Writing Samples
Band 7

The line graph shows information about the salary of three sports received on a yearly basis over a period of 31 years from 1970 to 2000.

The line graph shows information about the salary of three sports received on a yearly basis over a period of 31 years from 1970 to 2000.
The line chart illustrates data on the
baseball
Use synonyms
, football, and
basketbal
Correct your spelling
basketball
players
Use synonyms
'
income
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 on a yearly basis over a 31-year
period
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, starting from 1970.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the annual
salary
Use synonyms
 for all
players
Use synonyms
 mentioned went up throughout the entire time span.
However
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
players
Use synonyms
 who played
basketball
Use synonyms
 were at the bottom of the chart at the start of the
period
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, it was the highest-salaried sport by the end of the year shown. In 1970, a
baseball
Use synonyms
 player was given around $100k
salary
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, which was the highest in amount among all other sports,
while
Linking Words
 the lowest was
basketball
Use synonyms
players
Use synonyms
'
salary
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, with just under $50k. In 1980, the annual
income
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 for
basketball
Use synonyms
 and
baseball
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 was nearly the same at around $250k, but football
players
Use synonyms
still were
Correct word order
were still
show examples
 the lowest in that year , with just under
about
Rephrase
apply
show examples
$200k. From 1980 to the end of the
period
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, the
income
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 for
basketball
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 jumped from $250k to $23000k, compared with, $16000k yearly
salary
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 for
baseball
Use synonyms
at the end
Linking Words
 of the mentioned year.
Although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 yearly
income
Use synonyms
 rose for football
players
Use synonyms
 over the
period
Use synonyms
, it was still the lowest among all of them.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "although".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words baseball, players, income, period, salary, basketball, k with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "just under" was used 2 times.
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