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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that excessive noise should be a criminal offence, while others say they should be free to make nnoise without limitations. Discuss both views and give our opinion.

One group of school deem that loud voices should be illegal because they disturb
others
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,
while
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others
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 ponder that it should be legal because other measures can be followed to solve
this
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 problem. In my opinion, noise should be allowed up to some extent. On the one hand, noise pollution disturbs other life. Everyone wants to live in a peaceful place
,
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;
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otherwise
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, they will not only get mental diseases but
also
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 physical disorders. An individual will not be able to sleep properly , and their productivity at the workplace will be affected. Researchers ,
for instance
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, revealed that the majority of people who live in noisy areas have less output at their work, which indirectly affects their salary.
Therefore
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, a complete ban on
blast
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blasting
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 should be imposed.
On the other hand
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, some work is essential ,
such
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 as construction , to facilitate the community. An individual should focus on making their home, cars, and other places more insulated so that they can have less contact with the buzz. Many times
it
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, it
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 is important for
others
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 to enjoy their festivals or events by listening to loud music. The population should respect
others
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' cultures and beliefs, and let them enjoy following their traditions.
Hence
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, humans can follow some other discipline to get away from the buzz. I believe
,
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apply
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 individuals should be allowed to make blasts within a certain limit. Folks can inform
others
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 politely, so that they follow the appropriate procedure. In conclusion, some type of work is necessary to perform ; use should not be prohibited. Humans can use some equipment which insulates them from the roar.

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task achievement
The essay addresses both views but could be clearer in explaining them. Make sure each point is developed fully.
coherence and cohesion
The structure needs improvement. Use clear paragraphs for each point to improve flow.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your points. This will make your argument stronger.
task achievement
You present both sides of the argument, which is a good approach to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
You express your opinion clearly in the conclusion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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