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Writing Samples
Band 6

The table below shows the consumption of three basic foods, rice, wheat and maize, by people in four different countries

The table below shows the consumption of three basic foods, rice, wheat and maize, by people in four different countries
The table chart shows the data
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
consumption
Correct article usage
the consumption
show examples
 of three basic foods(
rice
Use synonyms
,
wheat
Use synonyms
,
maize
Use synonyms
) in a day in four countries.
Overall
Linking Words
, Egyptians ate indicated highest amount of
calories
Use synonyms
 in their daily intake,
while
Linking Words
Poland
Use synonyms
was
Verb problem
had
show examples
 the lowest of all
countries
Punctuation problem
countries,
show examples
 mainly because there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 no
maize
Use synonyms
 in their
dietary
Replace the word
diet
show examples
. Specifically,
Cambodians
Check wording
Cambodians'
show examples
dietary
Replace the word
diet
show examples
 mostly consisted of
rice
Use synonyms
(1445
calories
Use synonyms
),
while
Linking Words
wheat
Use synonyms
 was the main ingredient in
Poland
Use synonyms
 people’s food
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 865
calories
Use synonyms
 in it.
However
Linking Words
,
rice
Use synonyms
was
Verb problem
apply
show examples
accounted
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
 least amount in dietary of Cambodians
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 18
calories
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 was lower than
eating
Correct article usage
the eating
show examples
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
show examples
 of
rice
Use synonyms
 in
Poland
Use synonyms
, at 19.
Maize
Use synonyms
, interestingly, was not consumed in
Poland
Use synonyms
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
while
Linking Words
 it was the second most
calorie
Use the right word
calorie-dense
show examples
 food in Cambodia. When it comes to Egypt and Mexico,
wheat
Use synonyms
 and
maize
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 the most consumed
food
Fix the agreement mistake
foods
show examples
, respectively.
Rice
Use synonyms
 was eaten in
amount
Correct article usage
an amount
show examples
 of 501
calories
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 was exceptionally high from
Mexicans
Check wording
Mexicans'
show examples
 eating habit of
rice
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 was 57
calories
Use synonyms
.
Wheat
Use synonyms
,
however
Linking Words
, was genuinely high in
Correct article usage
the Egyptians
show examples
Egyptians
Check wording
Egyptians'
show examples
 diet with 1029
calories
Use synonyms
 a day
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
show examples
 it was 275 in Mexico. Ultimately,
maize
Use synonyms
 was mostly eaten in Mexico with 1083
calories
Use synonyms
, relatively higher than Egyptians which was 578.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words rice, wheat, maize, calories, poland with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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