IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The pie chart below show the average household expenditures in Japan and Malaysia in the year 2010 (Phuong)

The pie chart below show the average household expenditures in Japan and Malaysia in the year 2010 (Phuong)
The graph illustrates the media family expenses in two countries ,
called
Verb problem
apply
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Japan
Use synonyms
 and
Malaysia
Use synonyms
in
Punctuation problem
, in
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 2020. As can be seen from the graph , the money spent on other goods and services in
Japan
Use synonyms
 was the highest . Meanwhile, in
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 , the majority of expenditure was on housing .
However
Linking Words
, both
countries
Check wording
countries'
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 money used on
health-care
Use the right word
health care
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 was
least
Correct article usage
the least
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. Looking at the graph
fron
Correct your spelling
from
 a more detailed perspective , the percentage of housing accounted for 21% in
Japan
Use synonyms
Linking Words
whereas
Punctuation problem
, whereas
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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Malaysia
Use synonyms
 made up a significantly bigger fraction of 34%
on
Change preposition
in
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this
Linking Words
 category.
Similarly
Linking Words
, the food sector reached 24%in
Japan
Use synonyms
,which was 3% lower than
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 . Next , 29% of average household expenditure was made from other goods and services in
Japan
Use synonyms
 ,
while
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 sector
of
Change preposition
in
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Malaysia
Use synonyms
 occupied 26%
lower
Correct word choice
apply
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. In terms of the transport of
Japan
Use synonyms
 was 20% doubled
that
Correct word choice
than
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Malaysia
Use synonyms
 10% .
Lastly
Linking Words
, the money allocated
on
Change preposition
to
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health-care
Use the right word
health care
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 was the least in both countries
Punctuation problem
, to
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to
Change preposition
at
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 6% and 3% respectively.

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words japan, malaysia with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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