IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many manufactured food and drinks products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

In
Change preposition
For
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 many years human species used to eat from nature
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 by that I mean fresh food
''
Punctuation problem
,
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 fresh meat, fresh fruits and vegetables
''
Punctuation problem
apply
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. That was basically their diet of everyday till
the
Correct article usage
apply
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the industrial revolution
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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then
Linking Words
 here comes the 20th century
where
Punctuation problem
, where
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people
Use synonyms
 started to produce manufactured food that contains unhealthy things like a lot
Use synonyms
Change preposition
of sugar
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sugar
Punctuation problem
sugar,
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that
Correct pronoun usage
which we
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 will discuss in
this
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 essay.
Firstly
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, in a capitalistic world full of products and
consumers
Punctuation problem
consumers,
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 you
craved
Wrong verb form
crave
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chocolate
Use synonyms
you
Punctuation problem
. You
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 enter a store and you see a variety of different kinds and brands and
flavores
Correct your spelling
flavours
 of
choclate
Correct your spelling
chocolate
so
Punctuation problem
. So
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now
Punctuation problem
, now
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 what should you do?
you
Fix capitalization
You
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 stand there looking at that shelf of
chocolate
Use synonyms
 for a
while
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 because now you're confused and it's hard for you to make a choice
and
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, and
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 because they are cheap
of
Punctuation problem
, of
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course
Punctuation problem
course,
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 he will buy the options that he wants rather than buying one bar and
get
Wrong verb form
getting
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 back home.
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However
Add a comma
However,
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 he ended up buying these different options
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 by
that
Punctuation problem
that,
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 do you think he solved his problem
the
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, the
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 stuff that
his
Correct pronoun usage
he
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 wanted? certainly
no
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no,
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 he even
open
Correct subject-verb agreement
opens
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 up a door of grams and grams of
sugar
Use synonyms
 enter his body.
Furthermore
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, the problem is
Use synonyms
sugar
Correct word choice
that sugar
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 is not only in chocolates or sweets or soft drinks?
Use synonyms
sugar
Fix capitalization
Sugar
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basically
Rephrase
apply
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can
contain
Wrong verb form
be found
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 in every single product you see in the store
so
Punctuation problem
, so
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 always check the ingredients
in
Change preposition
on
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 the back of the product.
Lastly
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, the affordability of sugary products might be the reason why
people
Use synonyms
 are buying and consuming them always
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for
Punctuation problem
, for
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example
Punctuation problem
example,
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 when you see a whole packet of
chocolate
Use synonyms
 bars that
wheighs
Correct your spelling
weighs
 almost 1 to 2kg
only
Change preposition
for only
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 9 dollars and
strawberry
Correct article usage
a strawberry
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 pack
400
Change preposition
of 400
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g for 6 dollars
of
Punctuation problem
, of
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course
Punctuation problem
course,
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 you will go with
chocolate
Use synonyms
.
Use synonyms
people
Fix capitalization
People
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 are
also
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somehow
Rephrase
apply
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poor
to
Rephrase
enough to
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 buy fresh food nowadays.
To conclude
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, in
this
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 case my position is
neuteral
Correct your spelling
neutral
, it's
cetainly
Correct your spelling
certainly
 good to make the
sugar
Use synonyms
 products expensive to prevent
people
Use synonyms
 the excess to
buy
Wrong verb form
buying
show examples
 them daily and so it will affect their health.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
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 the affordability
Verb problem
was made
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made
Correct word order
also made
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also
Linking Words
 for a reason because of the cost of living and the expensive life we're having right now.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and all points help support that idea.
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Try to use clearer examples to explain your points better.
coherence and cohesion
Check your grammar and spelling to make your writing clearer and easier to read.
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Include more details in your introduction and conclusion to make your points stronger.
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You have a clear opinion about the topic which is good.
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You provide some personal insights that help support your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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