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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below gives information about the age of women in Australia when they gave birth to their first child in 1966, 1986 and 2006.

The chart below gives information about the age of women in Australia when they gave birth to their first child in 1966, 1986 and 2006.
The bar chart provides key information about the proportion of
women
Use synonyms
 who gave birth to their first child over a period
forty
Change preposition
of forty
show examples
years
Use synonyms
, between 1966
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 1986 and 2006. The units are measured by percentages and numbers.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear from the graph that there is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
little change in the age of
women
Use synonyms
 who gave birth to their first child by various bars in the three
years
Use synonyms
 1966, 1986 and
2006
Punctuation problem
2006,
show examples
 respectively.
In addition
Linking Words
, girls who are 19-24 and 25-30
years
Use synonyms
 old
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
were
the
Rephrase
also the
show examples
 dominant
also
Linking Words
 the largest percentage in over first twenty
years
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
women
Use synonyms
 who are 34-39 and over 40
years
Use synonyms
 old remained in 1986 as the lowest as in 1966.
According to
Linking Words
 what is shown, the percentage of girls who are 19-24 and 25-30
years
Use synonyms
 old
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
together constitutes
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
more than half of the bars in 1966 and 1986, 95% and 85% respectively. In terms of
women
Use synonyms
 who are 34-39 and over 40
years
Use synonyms
 old, they formed together less than half or even less than a quarter
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 they were the lowest bars, in 1966 and 1986, 10% and 27% approximately and respectively.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words women, years with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "gave" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 3 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic changes
  • first-time mothers
  • age bracket
  • fertility rate
  • childbearing age
  • socioeconomic factors
  • educational attainment
  • healthcare advancements
  • family planning
  • societal norms
  • trend analysis
  • delaying motherhood
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