IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In the modern world, it is possible to shop, work and communicate with people via the Internet and live without any in-person interaction with others. Is it a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In today’s fast-paced world, it is not required to physically present to achieve tasks
such
Linking Words
 as shopping, performing
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 job, or interacting with others. In fact, from my
perspective
Add a comma
perspective,
show examples
 I believe
this
Linking Words
 trend would lead to negatives rather than positives if it is analysed deeply as outlined below.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it is accepted that online platforms have introduced cost- and time-effective approaches in terms of occupations
such
Linking Words
 as work from home. But if we have a closer look at the long-term consequences, the emotional attachments between people,
such
Linking Words
 as compassion, affection, and empathy, will be downgraded. Apart from that, online learning platforms do not allow children to engage in activities that improve their teamwork, unity, and sharing among their peers.
This
Linking Words
 may cause personality disorders and selfishness at an early
growing
Correct word choice
apply
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stage. As a human is recognised as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
socialised
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
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according to
Linking Words
 research, isolation may result in mental health issues as well.
For example
Linking Words
,
nowadays
Punctuation problem
nowadays,
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 some teenagers are persuaded to build emotional attachments with AI tools, mistaking them for real friends or romantic partners
as a result
Linking Words
 of extreme usage of technology. The loss of
such
Linking Words
 virtual relationships has even led to severe psychological situations and, in serious cases, suicide.
Further
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, when someone goes abroad, leaving their
closer
Correct word choice
closest
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 one in their motherland, they
also
Linking Words
 sometimes feel lonely and mentally unstable; there is a higher trend of breaking up long-distance relationships of lovers after their detachment in similar cases.
Therefore
Linking Words
, in-person presence is essential to maintain strong emotional bonds. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 it is convenient to adapt to online platforms, as a human being
it
Punctuation problem
, it
show examples
 is necessary to maintain physical attachment with others, to calm the mind, and to prevent stress in
this
Linking Words
 competitive world.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction and summarize it in the conclusion. This helps the reader understand your main point better.
coherence and cohesion
Try using more linking words and phrases to connect your ideas and make the flow smoother. For example, use 'firstly,' 'moreover,' and 'finally.'
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. This makes your arguments stronger and more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is a good foundation for your essay.
task achievement
You addressed both positive and negative aspects of the topic, showing a balanced perspective.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Internet
  • shop
  • work
  • communicate
  • interaction
  • positive
  • negative
  • development
  • convenience
  • time
  • popular
  • busy
  • individuals
  • avoid
  • crowded
  • stores
  • balance
  • responsibilities
  • effectively
  • social
  • media
  • video calls
  • connect
  • globally
  • relationships
  • important
  • friends
  • family
  • physical
  • distance
  • feelings
  • loneliness
  • isolation
  • skills
  • connections
  • conversations
  • mental health
  • negatively
  • human beings
  • naturally
  • seek
  • issues
  • anxiety
  • depression
  • rely
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