IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later, and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is a view that it will be beneficial if adolescents know about
prison
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 some people oppose
this
Linking Words
 notion, I strongly argue in favour as it gives warning to them. On the one hand, it could be a bad idea to talk about
prison
Use synonyms
 to teenagers. One of the main reasons is fear and anxiety.To be clear, topics about
prison
Use synonyms
 can be frightening and disturbing for
teens
Use synonyms
, especially when they are so sensitive.
As a result
Linking Words
, from these
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of topics, it may create unnecessary stress or fear of the future.
Additionally
Linking Words
, when
teens
Use synonyms
 know about
prison
Use synonyms
, it can lead to low motivation or giving up goals, especially when
teens
Use synonyms
 are from troubled backgrounds.
Therefore
Linking Words
, for these reasons, it could be highly dangerous to talk about
prison
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it might be so useful when teenagers are aware of
prison
Use synonyms
.First of all, if they know how terrible it is when people are in
prison
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.
For example
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, the punishments, the disgusting food, and the loss of valuable time. 80% of
teens
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 will listen to them and
do
Verb problem
apply
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not commit
this
Linking Words
 kind of
crimes
Fix the agreement mistake
crime
show examples
.Because they know what will happen if they commit a crime, even if it is
minor
Correct article usage
a minor
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 crime, they will be punished.
Thus
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, for these reasons, knowing about
prison
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 life will be better for
teens
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.
To sum up
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,
while
Linking Words
 talking about
prison
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 might bring numerous disadvantages, I believe that when teenagers know about
prison
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, it can be great for them as a warning

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your main argument in the introduction.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words to connect your ideas better, for example, 'however', 'furthermore', and 'for instance'.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points, as this will strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion on the topic which is good.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • prisoners
  • rehabilitation
  • recidivism
  • consequences
  • insights
  • deterrent
  • guidance
  • support
  • role models
  • positive change
What to do next:
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