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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four ASEAN countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040.

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four ASEAN countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040.
The line graph
illustartes
Correct your spelling
illustrates
 the data about the percentage of the population in four asian nations living in cities for five decades from 1970 to 2020, and
forecasting
Wrong verb form
forecasts
show examples
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 for
coming
Verb problem
the next
show examples
 20 years until 2040.
Overall
Linking Words
,
The
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Malaysia
Use synonyms
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 increased their
citizens
Check wording
population
show examples
 and
they
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 will
be raised
Verb problem
rise
show examples
 till 2040, with the highest
residents
Check wording
population
show examples
 in cities.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Thailand has
similar
Correct article usage
a similar
show examples
 climbing trend
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 they had
lowest
Correct article usage
the lowest
show examples
 amount of public,
while
Linking Words
 the Philippines has
declined
Replace the word
decline
show examples
their
Change preposition
in their
show examples
 community between 1990 to 2010.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Indonesia
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
similar
Correct article usage
a similar
show examples
 increasing trend
throught
Correct your spelling
throughout
 the given period.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Indonesia
Use synonyms
 started with 30% and around 13% respectively,
while
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 will finish with more than 80% and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Indonesia
Use synonyms
 will have more than 60% citizens living in cities.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the Philippines had
Correct article usage
a fluctating
show examples
fluctating
Correct your spelling
fluctuating
 trend till 2010 and started with
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
 people
more
Punctuation problem
, more
show examples
 than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Malaysia
Use synonyms
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 just above 30%,
while
Linking Words
 they
will have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 around 50% people
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
end
Correct article usage
the end
show examples
 of the period.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Thailand
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 nearly 20%
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
start
Correct article usage
the start
show examples
 of the period,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
indonesia
Fix capitalization
Indonesia
show examples
 surpassed them
at the end
Linking Words
 of the 20th century
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Thailand will
finished
Wrong verb form
finish
show examples
 at the lowest in 2040.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
â–Ľ
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
â–Ľ
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
â–Ľ
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
â–Ľ
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
â–Ľ
Vocabulary: Replace the words malaysia, indonesia with synonyms.
â–Ľ
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
â–Ľ
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
â–Ľ
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