IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people regard eating meat as completely wrong. To what extent do you agree?

It is claimed by some individuals that eating animals is absolutely incorrect. I strongly agree that consuming
meat
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 should be avoided.
Firstly
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,
meat
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 production has a negative environmental impact;
secondly
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,
nourishing
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nourishment
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 from animal sources is detrimental to
health
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 and can be replaced by similar vegan foods.
To begin
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 with, the
meat
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 industry has proven to be harmful to nature.
Additionally
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, many scientific studies have highlighted how
this
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 supply chain produces huge amounts of greenhouse gases, which are mainly caused by the machinery used to adapt the landscape for cattle grazing
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 and its associated deforestation.
For example
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, in Uruguay, the cattle producers are generating several tons of CO2 yearly
due to
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 the extensive land use required by the business.
Moreover
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, it has been shown that having regular meals based mostly on animal protein is unhealthy, and it should be balanced properly with plant-based proteins. Numerous studies have already demonstrated that overconsuming
meat
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 is hazardous to human
health
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, mainly because of its high saturated fat content and the lack of dietary
fiber
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fibre
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.
Consequently
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, it is essential to exchange
this
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 type of diet for one richer in fresh vegetables to maintain
health
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. A case in point is the large number of people who decided to change their
meat
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-based daily meals to plant-based ones, and
reporting
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reported
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 that they felt better a few months after their shift.
To conclude
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, nourishment exclusively from animal sources must be
minimized
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minimised
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 as much as possible by the general population because of the serious damage it causes to the Earth and to individual
health
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.

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task achievement
Make sure to elaborate more on each main point to provide a deeper understanding for the reader.
coherence and cohesion
The essay would benefit from clearer transitions between ideas to help the reader follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
You present a strong opinion in your introduction, which is clear and supported throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • wrong
  • healthier
  • animals
  • conditions
  • killed
  • cruel
  • fair
  • diet
  • fruits
  • vegetables
  • better
  • longer
  • impact
  • production
  • land
  • water
  • energy
  • pollution
  • cultural
  • traditions
  • part
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