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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows numbers of incidents and injuries per 100 million passenger miles travelled (PMT) by transportation type in 2002. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows numbers of incidents and injuries per 100 million passenger miles travelled (PMT) by transportation type in 2002. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
The
bar
Use synonyms
chart
Use synonyms
 illustrates
Incidents
Use synonyms
 and
injuries
Use synonyms
 per 100 million PMT (
commuter
Use synonyms
roil
Use the right word
rail
show examples
, heavy
roil
Use the right word
rail
show examples
,
light
Use synonyms
roil
Use the right word
rail
show examples
,
bus
Use synonyms
,
demand
Use synonyms
response
Use synonyms
) in 2002.
Over all
Use the right word
Overall
show examples
, from the
bar
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
chart
Add a comma
chart,
show examples
 it can
clearly
Verb problem
be clearly
show examples
see
Wrong verb form
seen
show examples
 that the
fegures
Correct your spelling
figures
indicated
Wrong verb form
indicate
show examples
 high numbers in
demand
Use synonyms
response
Use synonyms
,
bus
Use synonyms
, and
light
Use synonyms
roil
Use the right word
rail
show examples
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the lower numbers were in heavy
roil
Use the right word
roll
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and
commuter
Use synonyms
. Looking at the
bar
Use synonyms
chart
Use synonyms
 , we can see that the highest number was in
demand
Use synonyms
response
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 had 225
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
indcidents
Correct your spelling
incidents
 and 173
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
injuries
Use synonyms
 .
This
Linking Words
 is followed by
Use synonyms
bus
Correct article usage
a bus
show examples
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 had 76 and 66
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
incidents
Use synonyms
 and
injuries
Use synonyms
respectively
Punctuation problem
, respectively
show examples
.
Next,
Linking Words
light
Use synonyms
 roil
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 came third with 76 in
incidents
Use synonyms
 and 39 in
injuries
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. After that heavy
roil
Use the right word
roll
show examples
 with 51
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
incidents
Use synonyms
 and 35
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
injuries
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Finally
Punctuation problem
Finally,
show examples
commuter
Use synonyms
roil
Use the right word
rail
show examples
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 came
last
Linking Words
 among the given of the type transportation
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 just under 20
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
incidents
Use synonyms
 and 17
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
injuries
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
it is clear that
Linking Words
although
Linking Words
 the
bar
Use synonyms
chart
Use synonyms
 showed high levels in
demand
Use synonyms
response
Use synonyms
,
bus
Use synonyms
, and
light
Use synonyms
roil
Use the right word
rail
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
 , the lower numbers were in heavy
roil
Use the right word
roll
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and
commuter
Use synonyms
.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words bar, chart, incidents, injuries, commuter, light, bus, demand, response with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 4 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Passenger Miles Travelled (PMT)
  • incidents per 100 million PMT
  • injuries per 100 million PMT
  • transportation type
  • comparative measures
  • statistical analysis
  • proportionate level
  • anomalous data
  • discrepancies in safety figures
  • severity of incidents
  • frequency of occurrences
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