IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that good health is very important to every person, so medical services should not be run by profit-making companies. Do the advantages of private healthcare outweigh the disadvantages?

One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is the importance of our
health
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. It is undeniable that
health
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 has become an essential part of our lives. Surely, we all know that our
health
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 is a main part of life;
therefore
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, there are only advantages to improving it. Breakthroughs in medical science are the most significant advances because people are now able to live longer. I can give an example: if somebody lives longer, he or she can create something helpful for humanity.We always talk about
pople
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people
, but there are
also
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animals
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 with
health
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 problems. Because of human actions,
animals
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 all over the world suffer. The saddest thing is that rare animal species are disappearing.
For example
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, polar bears. In the north, polar bears have problems with their
health
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 because they have nothing to eat.I can
also
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 talk about wild
animals
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 — they can get diseases from humans. And because of
this
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, people themselves can become infected by
animals
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 and die. If
animals
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 die, it’s not only their problem — it’s
also
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 a problem for all humanity. The ecosystem will collapse. Having weighed everything mentioned, we can come to the conclusion that medical science is important for both
animals
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 and humans. It helps prevent and cure diseases, extend life, and improve the quality of life. Advancements in medical science protect ecosystems, support global
health
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, and ensure a safer, healthier future for all. Take care of your
health
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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea.
task achievement
Add more relevant examples to support your points about healthcare.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to connect your ideas more clearly for better flow.
task achievement
Try to stick closely to the topic of private healthcare versus public healthcare.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states the importance of health.
task achievement
You have made some links between human and animal health, which is a creative approach.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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