IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

''Many people find it hard to balance their work with other parts of their lives. What are the reasons for this? How can this problem be overcome?''

The world is very different today. It is important to balance
between
Change preposition
apply
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work
Use synonyms
 and
life
Use synonyms
. People face challenges with balancing their
work
Use synonyms
 with their personal
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine what are the reasons for
this
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, and how
can
Correct word order
this problem can
show examples
this
Linking Words
 problem be overcome. On the one hand, there are several reasons for people who find difficulty in balancing their
work
Use synonyms
 with other aspects of their lives. First of all, they may have poor management.
For example
Linking Words
, they do not set
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
clear goals.
Also
Linking Words
, they do not manage their daytime effectively.
Secondly
Linking Words
, they may
work
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 in a hard occupation. To illustrate, they will be forced to
work
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 all
the
Correct article usage
apply
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day.
Moreover
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.
they
Fix capitalization
They
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 will
loss
Replace the word
lose
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 their attention in
life
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, and even themselves care.
Finally
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, they may get
little
Correct article usage
a little
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 money.
For instance
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, they will have to
work
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 in many places
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due
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to get enough money,
therefore
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 they will not be able to take care of other parts of
life
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.
On the other hand
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, there are several solutions
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 people
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
 problem.
Firstly
Linking Words
, they need to manage their
life
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,
Punctuation problem
.
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For example
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, they have to complete their daily tasks as soon as they can.
In addition
Linking Words
, they must not delay themselves in their occupation.
Secondly
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, they should draw a clear line between their
work
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 and their personal
life
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.
Finally
Linking Words
, they have to get a nice salary in order to have time for other
life
Use synonyms
 aspects.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, they need to
work
Use synonyms
 in a place they love
,
Remove the comma
apply
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and avoid stress. In conclusion, it is clear to see that there are several reasons for
this
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 problem.
However
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,
this
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 can
solved
Verb problem
be solved
show examples
 in many ways.

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task achievement
Make sure to provide clear solutions and examples in your essay. For instance, detail specific ways to manage time effectively or provide more examples of occupations that are hard to balance with personal life.
coherence and cohesion
Try to organize your paragraphs better. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea. Use linking words like 'firstly', 'secondly', 'finally' to show the order of your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Improve your grammar and punctuation. For example, check for missing words like 'to' in 'to set clear goals' and avoid incorrect phrases like 'will loss'.
task achievement
You clearly state the topic and your main ideas in the introduction.
task achievement
You have provided some reasons for the challenges people face in balancing work and life.
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