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Writing Samples
Band 7

The graph below shows the availability of various sweeteners in the USA from 1966 to 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the availability of various sweeteners in the USA from 1966 to 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The line graph illustrates the availability of different kinds of
sweeteners
Use synonyms
 in the USA between 1966 and 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
, in 1966, refined cane and beet sugars were the highest,
while
Linking Words
corn
Use synonyms
sweeteners
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 were lower than they were. But,
at the end
Linking Words
 of the period, both
sweeteners
Use synonyms
 were the most
favored
Use the right word
favoured
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, people
of
Change preposition
in
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 the USA did not like the idea of adding honey and edible syrups to their foods or drinks. In 1996, processed cane and beet sugars were the highest among them all at around 100
pounds
Use synonyms
 per person, but that was not the case for
sweeteners
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 made from
corn
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; they were only available at approximately 20
pounds
Use synonyms
 per
head
Check wording
person
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. In the years 1971 to 1986,
corn
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sweeteners
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 experienced a significant rise
at
Change preposition
of
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 roughly 60
pounds
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 per individual, and refined cane and beet sugars experienced the counterpart; they weighed roughly the same as
corn
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sweeteners
Use synonyms
. Both
sweeteners
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 ended up being the most
favored
Use the right word
favoured
show examples
 for U.S. residents
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 both
sweeteners
Use synonyms
' availability remained roughly the same in the remaining period. The people of the USA did not like adding honey and syrups to their drinks. From 1966 until 2011, these two
sweeteners
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 only weighed
at
Change preposition
apply
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around 10
pounds
Use synonyms
 per person.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sweeteners, corn, pounds with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "roughly" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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