IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

some people think that there are now too many cars on the roads ,and that they are spolling our towns and cities. do you agree or disagree?

Influenced by economic growth nowadays, more and more people tend to have a sufficient budget to buy
cars
Use synonyms
, leading to
the
Correct article usage
a
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 dramatic increase of them on the road. Some people regard
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon as a bad thing that spoils residences
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 I could not agree more. First of all, an ever-increasing number of autos caused inconvenient traffic conditions
,
Punctuation problem
.
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 Compared to the situation
that
Correct word choice
where
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 there were not many
cars
Use synonyms
 on the road before ,
it
Correct pronoun usage
there
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 is no doubt that the probability of traffic jams is now much higher.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the commuting time will be longer than before, which is contrary to
citizens’
Correct article usage
the citizens’
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 original thoughts when they bought
cars
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, as the volume of vehicles surges, the level of air pollution
also
Linking Words
 rises. For the reason that the main component of the exhaust gas emitted by
cars
Use synonyms
 is carbon dioxide, which is the most significant gas
attributing
Verb problem
contributing
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 to the greenhouse effect. The usage of more
cars
Use synonyms
 means more release of exhaust gases, resulting in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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aggravate
Replace the word
aggravated
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 air pollution undoubtedly.
Last
Linking Words
 but not least, a growth in the number of motors will play a negative role in citizens’ health. When
cars
Use synonyms
 are driving, they will produce continuous noises,
such
Linking Words
 as the sound of horns and engines, which are a detriment to people’s hearing.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the exhaust gas from
cars
Use synonyms
 contains many harmful substances. If these things are inhaled by people, it will
be
Verb problem
have
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 an adverse effect on
physics
Replace the word
physical
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 health. From my point of view, excessive use of a large number of vehicles can be viewed in a negative way, because of its result in traffic congestion, air pollution, and bad
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
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 on
bodies
Check wording
the body
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.

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your main points.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer transitions between your ideas to improve flow.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to use proper punctuation and grammar throughout the essay.
task achievement
The introduction clearly states your opinion on the topic.
task achievement
You identified several negative effects of cars, which shows good understanding.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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