IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that physical strength is important for success in sport, while other people think that mental strength is more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It is argued that mental
strength
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 is more crucial than physical
strength
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 in
sports
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.
While
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this
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 perspective is valuable, I believe both are important as they are used in different circumstances. It is impossible to talk about
sports
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 without mentioning physical
strength
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,because it is the foundation of
sports
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.
physical
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Physical
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strength
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 determines the limit of your speed,
strength
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,
endurance
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, and reaction
time
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.
For example
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, basketball is
Change the article
apply
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the one of
Correct word order
one of the
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 most popular games in the world
,in
Punctuation problem
. In
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this
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 game,you need to keep your eyes on enemies and allies,react when
team
Correct article usage
the team
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 needs you, and stay close
with
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to
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teammate
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teammates
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 when they are attacking or defending.All the
behaviors
Use the right word
behaviours
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needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
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 significant
endurance
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 and speed, despite there are
some
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times
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time
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 can have a little rest
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however
Punctuation problem
; however
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,it still is consuming
eneragy
Correct your spelling
energy
not
Punctuation problem
, not
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 recharging.
On the other hand
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, in the
sports
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 that need more
endurance
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 but with simple actions,mental
strength
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Change the verb form
takes
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take
Correct subject-verb agreement
takes
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Use the right word
its
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it's
Replace the word
its
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 place.
For instance
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, long run is the
most simple
Correct word choice
simplest
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 sport in the world, the only thing to do is run, but that does not mean it is easy.
Endurance
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,
time
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 management, and body management are
requried
Correct your spelling
required
 in
long
Correct article usage
the long
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 run.
However
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, the most important is mental
strength
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, in the first ten minate of long run, most people will start to feel tried but not cause a problem,five more minates later, people will tend to stop because they feel extremely fatigue,
that is
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 the
time
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 mental
strength
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 to show up, it can help you to keep runing and manage you body. In conclusion, I admit that mental
strength
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 is important in some circumstances, but physical
strength
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 is as important as mental
strength
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 in different
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
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, so
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I
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i
Fix capitalization
I
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 think we should find the balance
of
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between
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 them
not
Punctuation problem
, not
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 focusing on one.

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task achievement
Make sure to explain your ideas more clearly. Use simpler sentences and common words to make your points easier to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Try to organize your essay better. Make sure each paragraph clearly connects to your main idea and flows logically from one to the next.
task achievement
Use a wider range of examples to support your points. This will help show different angles of the argument.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your grammar and spelling are correct. For example, 'take it’s place' should be 'takes its place' and 'minates' or 'minutes'.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion in your introduction, stating that both mental and physical strength are important.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples from sports, which help to support your points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • physical conditioning
  • athleticism
  • physical training
  • muscle strength
  • mental resilience
  • psychological preparedness
  • mental toughness
  • confidence
  • precision
  • focus
  • mental strategies
  • mental fortitude
  • brute strength
What to do next:
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