IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Birth and death rates in Switzerland from 1975 to 2025, based on United Nations statistics.

The diagram depicts the
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of
deaths
Use synonyms
 and
births
Use synonyms
 in Switzerland between 1975 and 2025
according to
Linking Words
 statistics provided by
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 Nations.
Overall
Linking Words
, during
this
Linking Words
 period
amount
Check wording
the number
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 of
deaths
Use synonyms
 slightly decreased,
hitting
Verb problem
reaching
show examples
it’s
Use the right word
its
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 peak in the year of 1995.
Whereas
Linking Words
 statistics of
births
Use synonyms
demonstrates
Correct subject-verb agreement
demonstrate
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upward
Correct article usage
an upward
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 trend, increasing
as twice
Correct word order
twice as
show examples
 as it was in the beginning.Switzerland’s total population increased
through
Change preposition
over
show examples
this
Linking Words
50-years
Correct your spelling
50-year
 time period,
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of
deaths
Use synonyms
 was always lower than
births
Use synonyms
. The
quantity
Check wording
number
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 of
deaths
Use synonyms
 and
births
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 almost the same in the years
during
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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1975 and 1975
period
Check wording
apply
show examples
, being around 1 million in 1975 and rising until getting 1.7 million.But after
1975
Punctuation problem
1975,
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 the scope dramatically rose. Specifically, in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
2025
Punctuation problem
2025,
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 the number of people
died
Correct pronoun usage
who died
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 was 0.8 million,
tending
Verb problem
accounting
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to
Change preposition
for
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one fourth
Use the right word
one-fourth
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 of the born ones.
This
Linking Words
 may reflect improvements in healthcare, better living standards, or changing demographics.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the sharp contrast in 2025 highlights the ongoing trend of increasing
births
Use synonyms
 and declining
deaths
Use synonyms
, shaping the future population structure of Switzerland.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly identify key trends and changes over the years.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear linking words to connect your ideas better. For example, use 'firstly', 'secondly', 'in addition', etc.
coherence and cohesion
Try to be more precise in your figures and language, for example using 'decreased slightly' instead of 'slightly decreased'.
task achievement
The essay presents a general overview of the trends in deaths and births, which is good for the reader.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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