Some people believe that companies should be allowed to collect data about customers freely, while others believe this practice should be restricted. Discuss both sides of this issue.

Some details of people are suggested to be saved in the databases of online companies. To some extent,
this
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could have negative consequences, but in general,
this
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is for the better.
This
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essay will explore some details of the advantages and disadvantages of
this
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view. First and foremost, one advantage is that individuals can find their personal
information
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if they lose it.
That is
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, many companies have personal
information
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of
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about
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each person, and people can retrieve it in situations where they need it.
In addition
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, when pupils are preparing to enrol in a university, they will prepare their individual details to give to the university, and
then
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they utilise
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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anytime ,
such
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as in various sciences. At those times, students should not give personal
information
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to them, since their
information
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exists in the university's databases.
That is
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why it is not uncommon to see that internet organisations have been developing year by year.
Nevertheless
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, there are some issues with internet organisations that need to be revealed regarding human privacy. Namely, when it comes to
this
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problem, because of internal system problems of companies, individual
information
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security could be questionable. To exemplify, nowadays , many hackers are increasing rapidly
,
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;
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they obtain personal
information
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illegally, as well.
Therefore
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, various issues occur
due to
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these reasons.
To conclude
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, holding individual
information
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by internet organisations has not only advantages but
also
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disadvantages

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task achievement
Consider adding more clear examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to have clear topic sentences at the start of each paragraph.
task achievement
Try to expand on your ideas further to improve clarity and depth.
task achievement
You present both sides of the argument clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • personalized
  • targeted
  • advertising
  • improved
  • products
  • services
  • efficient
  • decision-making
  • invasion
  • privacy
  • misuse
  • security
  • risks
  • manipulation
  • discrimination
  • consent
  • control
  • regulation
  • innovation
  • balance
  • convenience
  • implementing
  • protection
  • transparency
  • accountability
  • ethical
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