IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

the diagram below show the process of chocolate (phuong)

the diagram below show the process of chocolate (phuong)
The diagram illustrates how
make
Verb problem
apply
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chocolate is
produced
Verb problem
made
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. Looking from an
overall
Linking Words
 perspective,
this
Linking Words
 is a man-made
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and linear process. It has ten stages, starting with the growth of cacao trees
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 and ending
by
Change preposition
with
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 liquid chocolate. In the first stage, the cacao trees are planted and grown
almost
Rephrase
apply
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in South America, Africa, and Indonesia, providing ripe red pods. After that, the pods
harvested
Verb problem
are harvested
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 to collect white cacao
beans
Use synonyms
 to serve for the production.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, the
beans
Use synonyms
fermented
Verb problem
were fermented
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 for a long time, and
then
Linking Words
 spread in
sun
Correct article usage
the sun
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 to dry in
next
Correct article usage
the next
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 step. When the
beans
Use synonyms
 are dried completely, they are put in large sacks to weigh. Following that,
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
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 bags are transported by train and lorry to
factory
Correct article usage
the factory
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 and storage. In the eighth stage, the
beans
Use synonyms
roasted
Verb problem
are roasted
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 at a high temperature in the microwave before being crushed and
outer
Correct article usage
the outer
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 shell
removed
Verb problem
is removed
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.
Finally
Linking Words
,
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
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 inner
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
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plants
Fix the agreement mistake
plant
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 are pressed in the machine to produce liquid chocolate, which
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
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 out
the
Change preposition
to the
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 market.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words beans with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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