IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Older generations often hold some traditional ideas on the correct way of life, thought and behaviour. Most people argue that these are not helpful for younger generations to prepare for modern life. To what extent do you agree or disaaree?

There is no denying the fact that elderly individuals strongly believe in their classical beliefs ,
such
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 as ancient and antique places,
also
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 there are some inhabitants who think that it is not beneficial for kids to adapt to urban life.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that the majority of citizens believe that children must engage in improvements that come back as useful, there is
also
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 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that we should take care of our pupils since they are the nation of the future.
To begin
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 with, the crucial thing will disappear if the young people still follow the opinion that old people said, there will not be any developments or enhancements in society.
In other words
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, these methods of teaching will impact the future of the world negatively since there is no creative thinking.
In addition
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, the kids are going to suffer from the problems of adaptation throughout the actions that their ancient ancestors followed.
For example
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, no improvement in the education sector
as well
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as
Correct word choice
and
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 old materials. Another point to consider,
this
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 way of learning nowadays can lead to bad emotions,
such
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 as depression, anxiety and even suicide in the coming days when they apply
this
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 teaching behaviour. It is
also
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 possible to say that it probably negatively affects services and facilities.
Moreover
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, losing information is dangerous and disastrous for the medical sector.
For instance
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, new diseases will spread,
besides
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 pollution and viruses , and
also
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 expand and extend throughout the community. In conclusion, despite people having various views. I believe that we have to accustom our children to learning new instructions and things because these educations are going to build significant and critical things ,
such
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 as powerful infrastructure and a resilient future.

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task response
Work on clearly stating your main ideas in each paragraph and make sure every idea supports your main argument.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph flows well into the next one. Use linking words like 'firstly', 'additionally', and 'in conclusion' to help with this.
task response
Try to give more specific examples that clearly relate to your arguments. This will help to strengthen your points.
positive
You have a clear opinion and a good structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
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