Some people say that all young people should be required to stay in full-time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is argued that
teenagers
Use synonyms
should have full-time
education
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until the age of eighteen. I agree with
this
Linking Words
statement, which can allow
teenagers
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have
Verb problem
to have
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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completely
Replace the word
complete
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development.
Teenagers
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stay
Wrong verb form
staying
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at school can help them to improve themselves
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
many aspects,
such
Linking Words
as physical and art, which can help
students
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to find their
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
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better.
This
Linking Words
can provide
students
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to offer potential career opportunities. Full-time
education
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can nurture
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students
Check wording
students'
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ability
Fix the agreement mistake
abilities
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that can help them to become more competitive. They can have more choices when they are after school.
Teenagers
Use synonyms
can choose to gain higher academic achievement or search for a job
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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after
eighteen
Verb problem
turning eighteen
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years old.
Teenagers
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can attain higher
salary
Check wording
salaries and
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reduce their reliance on their parents or
the societies
Replace the word
society
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if they receive higher
education
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.
However
Linking Words
, not everyone can offer
such
Linking Words
long time
Use the right word
long-term
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education
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. A longer
education
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time means people
needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
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to spend more money. As for some
students
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who are from disadvantaged
backgrounds
Punctuation problem
backgrounds,
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this
Linking Words
is unrealistic. Those
teenagers
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work
Correct pronoun usage
who work
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earlier can reduce their family financial stress,
allow
Wrong verb form
allowing
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them to become responsible.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
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teenagers
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can constantly
exploring
Wrong verb form
explore
show examples
their potential in society and enhance their willpower
,
Punctuation problem
;
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they can obtain a lot of experience from
practicing
Use the right word
practising
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. But young people do not
receiving
Wrong verb form
receive
show examples
enough
education
Use synonyms
would lead to risky behaviour norms.
For example
Linking Words
, some
teenagers
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dropout
Use the right word
dropping out
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is damaging their lives, they may learn and imitate those bad
behaviour
Fix the agreement mistake
behaviours
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even join in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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criminal activities.
According to
Linking Words
the discussion above, I strongly agree with
to allow
Wrong verb form
allowing
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student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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to attain full-time
education
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until they are eighteen. The more
education
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that
teenagers
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attain, the more choices they
would
Wrong verb form
will
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have in the future. Only in
this
Linking Words
way can
avoid
Correct pronoun usage
we avoid
show examples
teenagers
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to
infect
Wrong verb form
infected
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with bad habits,
form
Correct word choice
and form
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a bright prospect.

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coherence and cohesion
Make your main points clearer by organizing them in a logical way. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or details to support your points, helping to explain your ideas better.
coherence and cohesion
Check your sentences for grammar and clarity. Some sentences are unclear and need correction.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion that you support, which is good.
task achievement
You touched on important points about education and its impact, showing your understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general
Topic Vocabulary:
  • comprehensive education
  • intellectual growth
  • emotional growth
  • social growth
  • evolving job market
  • specialized knowledge
  • extended education
  • reducing inequality
  • essential competencies
  • vocational training
  • economic impact
  • financial constraints
  • infrastructure
  • stress and burnout
  • personal aspirations
  • career aspirations
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