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Writing Samples
Band 4

The diagram illustrates the process how to produce liquid chocolate. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

The diagram illustrates the process how to produce liquid chocolate. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant
The flow chart shows the way ripe red pods from
cacao
Correct article usage
the cacao
show examples
 tree
processed
Verb problem
are processed
show examples
 into liquid chocolate.
Overall
Linking Words
, there are 10 stages in the whole chocolate producing process, beginning with harvesting white cocoa
beans
Use synonyms
 and ending with pressing
inner
Correct article usage
the inner
show examples
 parts.
To begin
Linking Words
, white cocoa
beans
Use synonyms
, which are grown in South America, Africa, and Indonesia, are harvested from the ripe red pods. Before the
beans
Use synonyms
 are fermented, they are spread out in the sun to dry.
Next
Add a comma
Next,
show examples
 they are put in large sacks, and each
sacks
Fix the agreement mistake
sack
show examples
 is weighted on a scale. Followed by
this
Linking Words
, they are transported by train or lorry to
factory
Correct article usage
the factory
show examples
. In the subsequent stage,
beans
Use synonyms
 are roasted
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
temperature
Correct article usage
a temperature
show examples
360°
Change preposition
of 360°
show examples
.
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
,
beans
Use synonyms
 are crushed, and
outer
Correct article usage
the outer
show examples
 shell
removed
Verb problem
is removed
show examples
.
Finally
Linking Words
,
inner
Correct article usage
the inner
show examples
 part
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 pressed and liquid chocolate
produced
Verb problem
is produced
show examples
.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words beans with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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