IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The continued rise in the world’s population is the greatest problem faced by humanity at the present time. What are the causes of this continued rise? Do you agree that it is the greatest problem faced by humanity?

I believe that the main problem
humans
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 face is the rise in the
world’s
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 population
due to
Linking Words
 the decrease in death
rates
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 and an
increase
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 in birth
rates
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. The decrease in death
rates
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 is one of the important causes in the
world’s
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 overpopulation since the development in medical care has helped to reduce many diseases that killed a lot of people in the past,
such
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 as diabetes and heart problems.
As a result
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 of people live longer lifespans than other populations in recent decades.
For example
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, many
humans
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 died because of malaria, but after the advancement in healthcare, scientists discovered a vaccine to prevent malaria.
Moreover
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, the
increase
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 in birth
rates
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 causes a growth in the total number of individuals because of the lack of education, the families. Many couples do not consider the impact of having many children in rising in the
world’s
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 population, because they are not educated enough about the effect they may cause to the world.
For instance
Linking Words
, many families
Verb problem
are unware
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unware
Use the right word
unaware
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the
Change preposition
of the
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proplem
Correct your spelling
problem
 of having too many kids
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 it
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
 a surge in the number of
humans
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. In conclusion, I agree that the growth in the
world’s
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 population is the biggest problem faced by
humans
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 because the decrease in death
rates
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due to
Linking Words
 the improvements in healthcare,
as well as
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 the
increase
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 in birth
rates
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,
due to
Linking Words
 the lack of an educated community, has helped to
increase
Use synonyms
 the number of people on earth.

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task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly states your opinion. Include a clear thesis statement.
coherence and cohesion
Use more transition words like 'first', 'next', and 'finally' to improve the flow of your ideas.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and details to support your points. For example, give more context about the vaccines or education you mentioned.
task achievement
You clearly identified the main causes of population growth: decreasing death rates and increasing birth rates.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion effectively restates your main argument and summarizes your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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