IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people belive that the personal information of violent criminals should be made available to the public. Others think that this information should be protected. Discuss both view and give your own opinion.

In today`s fast-paced world, everyone
think
Correct subject-verb agreement
thinks
show examples
 that private information of dangerous criminals should be
declare
Wrong verb form
declared
show examples
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the public,
while
Linking Words
 numerous
people
Use synonyms
 believe that confidential
data
Use synonyms
 of
terorist shuold
Correct your spelling
terrorists should
 be kept private. In my opinion,
data
Use synonyms
 of
this
Linking Words
 criminal should be
declare
Wrong verb form
declared
show examples
 worldwide to stop criminal activity,
while
Linking Words
data
Use synonyms
 protection cannot
give
Verb problem
pose
show examples
threat
Correct article usage
a threat
show examples
 to
normal
Correct article usage
a normal
show examples
 person.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, information about
criminal
Correct article usage
a criminal
show examples
 should be
declare
Wrong verb form
declared
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
public
Correct article usage
a public
show examples
 platform
such
Linking Words
 as social media and
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 news.
Due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, if
people
Use synonyms
 know about serious
criminal
Replace the word
crimes
show examples
 and
punishment
Correct article usage
the punishment
show examples
 given to them,
then
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 will not dare to
do
Verb problem
commit
show examples
 criminal activity in a society,
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 can improve public trust
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the police and
system
Correct article usage
the system
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in serious
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as rape and murder, if
people
Use synonyms
knows
Correct subject-verb agreement
know
show examples
 about the
criminal
Check wording
criminal's
show examples
 identification,
then
Linking Words
 there is a high chance of
suitable
Correct article usage
a suitable
show examples
 punishment by
court
Correct article usage
the court
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, there was an article in the Times of India which says, if everyone knows about the case, and about the
criminal
Punctuation problem
criminal,
show examples
then
Linking Words
 there is no
chances
Fix the agreement mistake
chance
show examples
 of
curruption
Correct your spelling
corruption
 in those cases and
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 can get
justice
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 think that the
data
Use synonyms
 should be kept confidential about some serious
matter
Fix the agreement mistake
matters
show examples
.
As a result
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 can sometimes help positively, but in many cases
this
Linking Words
 can favour
criminal
Fix the agreement mistake
criminals
show examples
, so
victim
Correct article usage
the victim
show examples
 may not get
justice
Use synonyms
 from
court
Correct article usage
the court
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, if
data
Use synonyms
 is not
decalre
Correct your spelling
declared
 to
news
Correct article usage
the news
show examples
,
than
Use the right word
then
show examples
criminal
Fix the agreement mistake
criminals
show examples
 can use their power and money to
come out
Verb problem
escape
show examples
 from
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
jail.
For instance
Linking Words
, there was
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
research done by Western Sydney University which mentioned 80 per cent of private criminal cases
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 ended up
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 without
justice
Use synonyms
 from the judge. In conclusion, if
data
Use synonyms
kept
Verb problem
is kept
show examples
 private about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
serios
Correct your spelling
serious
 criminal
offence
Fix the agreement mistake
offences
show examples
,
than
Use the right word
then
show examples
 there is
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
chances
Fix the agreement mistake
chance
show examples
 of
curruption
Correct your spelling
corruption
. In my view, if information
published
Verb problem
is published
show examples
 in
newspaper
Correct article usage
a newspaper
show examples
Punctuation problem
, than
show examples
than
Use the right word
then
show examples
victim
Correct article usage
the victim
show examples
 can get
justice
Use synonyms
 because of public demand.

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task achievement
Your introduction presents the topic, but make sure to clarify both views clearly. Additionally, provide a more definitive opinion.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences are unclear and could be restructured for better flow. Try to ensure each point connects smoothly to the next.
task achievement
Double-check for spelling and grammatical errors, as these can distract from your message. For example, 'declare' instead of 'declare' and 'terrorist' instead of 'terorist'.
task achievement
You provided specific examples to support your points, which is a good practice in writing.
task achievement
Your conclusion summarizes your opinion well, emphasizing the impact of public awareness on justice.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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