The bar chart shows the number of hours worked per week by men and women in Australia

The bar chart shows the number of hours worked per week by men and women in Australia
IELTS Writing Task Chart for The bar chart shows the number of hours worked per week by men and women in Australia
The bar chart compares
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the number of
hours
Use synonyms
jobs by
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
in Australia.
Overall
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
the percentage of
men
Use synonyms
and
women
Use synonyms
is the highest around the average working
hours
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
per week among others. There is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
biggest
Replace the word
big
show examples
difference
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
percentage of
men
Use synonyms
and
women
Use synonyms
, which are 5 and 15 from 0 to 10
hours
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the percentage of
women
Use synonyms
is more than 20
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
work 10-20
hours
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
week.
However
Linking Words
, there are
less
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer
show examples
men
Use synonyms
who are just upper
10
Correct your spelling
10%
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
spend at the same time for work.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the proportion of males
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
approximately 43, making them more than females,
which
Fix the agreement mistake
who
show examples
are 35 in 30-50
hours
Use synonyms
. By 60 - 80
Use synonyms
hours
Punctuation problem
hours,
show examples
there is the largest difference between
female
Check wording
men
show examples
and
women
Use synonyms
. 30
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
of
men
Use synonyms
spend 60-80
hours
Use synonyms
compared to just under 20 which spend
time
Check wording
of women
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
, the
figure
Check wording
number
show examples
of males and females is
the
Change preposition
at the
show examples
same level in over 80
hours
Use synonyms
, which is 10.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Vocabulary: Replace the words hours, men, women with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "compares" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: