IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the line graph show the number of closing and opening in specific nation from 2011 to 2018

the line graph show the number of closing and opening in specific nation from 2011 to 2018
The graph provides information about the number of closed and opened
shops
Use synonyms
in
Linking Words
particular
Correct article usage
a particular
show examples
 nation between 2011 and 2018.
Overall
Linking Words
,it can be clearly seen that
amount
Use synonyms
 of opened
shops
Use synonyms
 was sharply dropped in given period (from 2011 to 2018),
however
Linking Words
 in 2014 opened store size was significantly jumped to just above 6,000,
in addition
Linking Words
 it can be clearly seen that in period from 2015 to 2016 quantity of opened stores leveled off to 4,000,
whereas
Linking Words
 the closed
shops
Use synonyms
amount
Use synonyms
 was to fluctuate,
furthermore
Linking Words
 in 2015
this
Linking Words
amount
Use synonyms
 was slumped plummeted to about 850. As can be seen,
opened
Wrong verb form
the number of open
show examples
shops
Use synonyms
 was approximately 8500 in 2011,but was falled to just below 4,000 in 2012
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
Linking Words
nevertheless
Add a comma
nevertheless,
show examples
 in 2013 and
2014
Punctuation problem
2014,
show examples
this
Linking Words
 number
was
Verb problem
apply
show examples
increased to just above 6,000.After
standability
Check wording
a decline
show examples
 in 2015-
2017
Punctuation problem
2017,
show examples
 years
Use synonyms
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of opened stores
was
Verb problem
apply
show examples
dropped to 3,000. At the onset in 2015 volume of closed markets
was
Verb problem
apply
show examples
declined to well below
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
1,000
,even
Punctuation problem
. Even
show examples
so
Punctuation problem
so,
show examples
 in 2016 sum total
of
Check wording
number of
show examples
 closed
store
Fix the agreement mistake
stores
show examples
was rised
Verb problem
rose
show examples
 to just bigger
then
Linking Words
 5,000
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
in addition
Linking Words
 in 2017-2018 years
this
Linking Words
 size
was stayed
Verb problem
remained
show examples
 around 5,000.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in addition".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words shops, amount with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: