IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries, students pay their college or university fees, while in some others, the government pays for them. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

In numerous places in the world,
students
Use synonyms
 must pay for their
universities
Fix the agreement mistake
university
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education
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 because of the cost of their
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
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 in other places, governments cover
this
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 for
students
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.
Although
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 some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
this
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 matter has disadvantages, I think that it provides more benefits for the nation.
Firstly
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, from my point of view, if the government pay for tuition, most
students
Use synonyms
 can access to equal chance to
countinue
Correct your spelling
continue
 their schooling to higher levels.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
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 nobody would fail to achieve their goals for educational purposes because of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of money. So the nation would have more well
education
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 who can support the country with their professional skills, and
this
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 may bring lots of money to compensate money that government pay for the cost of
studens'
Correct your spelling
students'
scholarship
Fix the agreement mistake
scholarships
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,if society provides too much support for
education
Use synonyms
,it creates problems like overcrowding in universities and the
commiunity
Correct your spelling
community
 faces with issue lack of
non -expert
Use the right word
non-expert
show examples
 workers.
Consequently
Linking Words
,busy classes may
brings
Wrong verb form
bring
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a
deline
Correct your spelling
decline
 in the level of
education
Use synonyms
 and
students
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 can not deal with problems in real life.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
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 factories need simple workers
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 educated
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 are not willing to work as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
labourers in factories or farms. In my neighbourhood, because of the lots of help given,most
students
Use synonyms
 continued their
education
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 in busy classes without real effect, and we faced to lack of workers. In conclusion,
although
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 lots of aids for helping
students
Use synonyms
 to continue their
education
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 may cause problems
such
Linking Words
 as issues with finding labour or even well-trained
people
Use synonyms
 in society, I strongly believe that the government must help
people
Use synonyms
 to achieve their goal in every field, spacialy in go by going to universities and making an expert nation.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure your main points are clearly linked to your introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
Use clearer examples to support your arguments so readers understand your points better.
overall clarity
Try to improve your sentence structure and grammar for better clarity.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion about government support for education, which is great for task response.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both advantages and disadvantages of government support for education.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • students
  • college
  • university
  • government
  • fees
  • education
  • advantage
  • disadvantage
  • work
  • afford
  • society
  • debt
  • facilities
  • resources
  • quality
  • overcrowding
  • graduates
  • invest
  • homes
  • businesses
What to do next:
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