IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The table shows information about students at an Australian university in 2009

The table shows information about students at an Australian university in 2009
The data below gives instructions about the
students
Use synonyms
 attending various departments at a university in Australia.
Overall
Linking Words
, the Humanities and Education administration had the highest proportion of female
students
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 Engineering and
Information
Use synonyms
 USE SYNONYMS It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 you want to do the opposite for a high band score.
Technology
Use synonyms
 had the lowest.
In contrast
Linking Words
, departments
such
Linking Words
 as
Information
Use synonyms
Technology
Use synonyms
 and Physics had a high percentage of
students
Use synonyms
 born overseas and those whose first
language
Use synonyms
 was not English. The Humanities and Education departments had the largest proportion of female
students
Use synonyms
, at 72% and 68% respectively. Science and Physics had a more balanced gender distribution, with 52% and 56% female
students
Use synonyms
. In sharp contrast, Engineering and
Information
Use synonyms
Technology
Use synonyms
 were male-dominated fields, with only 15% and 17% of
students
Use synonyms
 being female. In terms of linguistic and cultural diversity, the
Information
Use synonyms
Technology
Use synonyms
 department had the highest percentage of
students
Use synonyms
 whose first
language
Use synonyms
 was not English, at 49%, and it shared the highest proportion of overseas-born
students
Use synonyms
 with the Physics department, both at 56%.
Conversely
Linking Words
, the Humanities department had the lowest figures in these two categories, with only 12% of
students
Use synonyms
 speaking a
language
Use synonyms
 other than English as their first
language
Use synonyms
, and 20% born outside Australia.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words students, information, technology, language with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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