IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many students find it difficult to concentrate or pay attention at school. What are the reasons? What could be done to solve this problem?

Our modern world nowadays faces several issues,
one
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 of which is a lack of concentration and attention in schools, a widespread concern that many students suffer from.
This
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issue
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 may be attributed to various factors and can be addressed
through
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in
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 several ways.
One
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 reason why students cannot focus properly in
schools
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school
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 is their overuse of
gadgets
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. Thanks to technological advancements,
people
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's lives are engrossed with
gadgets
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, with children sticking to them 24/7. As their brains get used to obtaining a great deal of various data in a short time period, it becomes difficult for them to concentrate in classes for a long time. Another cause of
this
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issue
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 is that
people
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 today underestimate the value of
education
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. Unlike the past, in which
people
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 believed that
education
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 could guarantee a happy future, nowadays
people
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 think it is not a mandatory factor anymore.
This
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 attitude makes children reluctant to pay attention in classes and even pursue their
education
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.
However
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,
this
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 catastrophe can be solved through
cooperation
Correct article usage
the cooperation
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 of school managers and the media.
One
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 solution is to
Verb problem
make aware
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aware teachers
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teachers aware
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 of the adverse effects of cellphones and other
gadgets
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. So, teachers can change students' attitudes and implement regulations for using them in schools.
This
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issue
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 can
also
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 be addressed through the media, which can play an important role in changing
people
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's attitudes toward
education
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.
One
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 way is by depicting
education
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 as an essential factor for satisfaction in life, which can be done through producing movies or promoting successful educated
people
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. In conclusion, if the
issue
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 of not focusing or paying attention at school continues
due to
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 extensive use of
gadgets
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 and underestimating the value of
education
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, society and
people
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 will suffer from several problems,
such
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 as a lack of a professional workforce or a reduction in societal wisdom in the future.
Therefore
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, I believe school managers and the media should orchestrate by implementing regulations and social engineering to uproot
this
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 catastrophe.

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task achievement
Try to use more examples to support your points.
coherence
Make sure to link your ideas more clearly. Use transition words like 'firstly', 'next', and 'finally'.
coherence
Provide clearer connections between the causes and solutions.
coherence
Good structure with clear introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
Identified relevant issues affecting student attention.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • concentration
  • attention span
  • distractions
  • technology
  • boredom
  • tiredness
  • engagement
  • learning disabilities
  • teaching techniques
  • classroom size
  • family issues
  • health problems
  • motivational strategies
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