IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Your company has recently introduced a new uniform for the staff. But you have learned that the staff members are not happy about it. Write a letter to your manager about it. In your letter, explain why you think the staffs are not happy with the new uniform what you want the new uniform to be like and give some suggestions to handle the situation Write at least 150 words. You do NOT need to write any addresses.

Begin your letter as follows: Dear Sir or Madam,

Dear mam, I am writing
this
Linking Words
 letter on behalf of nurses who are working in our hospital. We are all very disappointed with our new uniform, which you introduced to us recently.
To begin
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 with, the uniform has no pockets
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
due to
Linking Words
this
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, it is very inconvenient for us to carry our personal belongings
such
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 as
phone
Correct article usage
a phone
show examples
, keys.
Moreover
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, it is in a light purple colour
that is
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 difficult to wash during long duties. I would like to tell you some designs of uniforms which are suitable
according to
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 comfort
as well as
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 profession.
Firstly
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, a sky blue colour dress is a better option, and it should have two big pockets.
Additionally
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,
this
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 might feel comfortable in summer and
also
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 be easy to wash after long shifts. We all staff discussed
this
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 design together, so no one has any problem with
this
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 dress code. I hope you will understand our problem. I look forward from you. Your faithfully, Kajal.

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task response
Answer all three parts more fully. Add one or two more clear ideas about how to fix the problem.
task response
Use a more polite letter style. Write "Dear Sir or Madam" and end with "Yours faithfully".
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with easy words like "also", "because", "so", and "however".
coherence and cohesion
Check small word order and grammar so your ideas are easier to follow.
task response
You answered the main topic and gave clear problems with the uniform.
task response
You gave your own ideas for a better uniform and some ways to help.
coherence and cohesion
Your letter has a clear start, middle, and end.
coherence and cohesion
Most paragraphs stay on one main idea.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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