IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisagtion. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge orexperience.

In modern days, an increasing number of people are choosing to work for themselves, rather than to work for an
organization
Use the right word
organisation
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.
This
Linking Words
 trend is taking place
due to
Linking Words
 the lack of payment and the freedom of individuals'
business
Use synonyms
 choices.
However
Linking Words
, the negative sides are that their earnings are not regular and fluctuate
according to
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 the month. Most
business
Use synonyms
 owners quit their jobs to continue their
organization
Use the right word
organisation
show examples
 because of low-paying jobs and the opportunities that have emerged in recent years.
For example
Linking Words
, the
freedom
Check wording
number
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 of jobs has rocketed compared to the 19th century by nearly 90%.
This
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 has given citizens the chance for citizens to explore their options and open their own store if needed.
Additionally
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, in Mongolia, more than 50% of the workforce is not satisfied with their salary. Even though being self-employed is common now, it doesn't guarantee frequent payment. Being employed means that people are getting paid every month for their hard work. But if someone has their own
business
Use synonyms
, their income is not set since it depends on how they perform each month. To illustrate, a relative of mine has a family
business
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they complain about how some seasons go by without any profit. In conclusion, many workers are picking the choce to be self-employed because of numerous drawbacks
such
Linking Words
 as low salary and
boost
Check wording
loss
show examples
 of freedom.
However
Linking Words
, we cannot
outlook
Verb problem
overlook
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 the disadvantages like untrustworthy income that comes with it.

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task achievement
Expand on your ideas more in your body paragraphs. Give more arguments and examples.
coherence and cohesion
Link your ideas more clearly. Use transition words to connect your points.
grammar
Review your grammar and spelling. There are a few mistakes that can be improved upon.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states the topic and your main ideas.
task achievement
You provided a relevant example from personal experience, which adds strength to your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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