IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think importing foreign movies and TV programs is good for a country's culture. Others believe it is better to produce these locally. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It is believed by some that investing
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
films
Use synonyms
 and TV shows produced in foreign countries will be beneficial for
enhancement
Correct article usage
the enhancement
show examples
 of
one
Use synonyms
's own
culture
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 others argue that it is better to produce entertainment in their own country. I believe that
although
Linking Words
 foreign entertainment influences
people
Use synonyms
 to get exposure to other cultures but watching and producing
movies
Use synonyms
 that
alignes
Correct your spelling
align
 with
one
Use synonyms
's own country is
beneficial
Punctuation problem
beneficial,
show examples
 as
this
Linking Words
 will help them preserve and promote their
culture
Use synonyms
 and
also
Linking Words
 develop a
sense
Use synonyms
 of appreciation for their
root
Fix the agreement mistake
roots
show examples
. On the
one
Use synonyms
 hand, foreign
films
Use synonyms
 and
movies
Use synonyms
 will inculcate a
sense
Use synonyms
 of understanding of
world
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
 beyond.
People
Use synonyms
 will get to learn about the
culture
Use synonyms
 that they are not familiar with
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
this
Linking Words
 influence will be
determental
Correct your spelling
detrimental
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
one
Use synonyms
's own
Use synonyms
culture
Replace the word
cultural
show examples
 security
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 tend to
easily
Verb problem
be easily
show examples
influence
Wrong verb form
influenced
show examples
 by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
western
Fix capitalization
Western
show examples
culture
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, youngsters are easily getting influenced by Korean K-
dramas
Use the right word
K-dramas
show examples
 and
k-pops
Correct your spelling
K-pop
making
Punctuation problem
, making
show examples
 them copy it. I believe
this
Linking Words
 is not a positive influence because it erodes
one
Use synonyms
's own
culture
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they will not appreciate the uniqueness of their own
culture
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, producing
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
 that aligns with their own
culture
Use synonyms
 and tradition will not only
helped
Wrong verb form
help
show examples
 preserve and promote their
culture
Use synonyms
 and tradition, but
also
Linking Words
 help develop a
sense
Use synonyms
 of belonging and respect. Most of the unique cultures are dying out because of globalisation and
western
Fix capitalization
Western
show examples
 influences.
Therefore
Linking Words
, entertainment
that is
Linking Words
 focused on their
culture
Use synonyms
 will promote their
culture
Use synonyms
 and
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
 preserve it. When
people
Use synonyms
 watch
movies
Use synonyms
 and
films
Use synonyms
that's
Verb problem
that
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 strongly associated with their
culture
Use synonyms
, they will learn to appreciate it and
enhances
Correct subject-verb agreement
enhance
show examples
 their
sense
Use synonyms
 of belonging. I believe
this
Linking Words
 is important because
movies
Use synonyms
 and television shows that a
culture
Use synonyms
focused
Use the right word
culture-focused
show examples
 will help preserve it. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 investing
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 foreign
films
Use synonyms
 and shows is a great way to learn about
others
Fix the agreement mistake
other cultures
show examples
Use synonyms
culture
Punctuation problem
culture,
show examples
 it is associated with negative influences.
While
Linking Words
 local
films
Use synonyms
 and programmes help
preople
Correct your spelling
people
 learn and
appreciated
Wrong verb form
appreciate
show examples
 their unique
culture
Use synonyms
 and traditions.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your introduction explains the topic well but consider using simpler sentences. For example, 'Some people think foreign movies are good for culture, while others prefer local films.'
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to connect your ideas more clearly. Use linking words like 'however', 'firstly', and 'finally' to improve the flow of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to understand. Break them into shorter parts, and check for spelling mistakes to improve clarity. For instance, 'alignes' should be 'aligns'.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. Saying that younger people are influenced is good, but give examples of how it affects their behavior or traditions.
task achievement
You clearly state your opinion by saying you believe in local production, which helps with task achievement.
coherence and cohesion
You have a good structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural diversity
  • global understanding
  • dominate
  • traditional values
  • national pride
  • preserve cultural identity
  • creative industry
  • balanced approach
  • regulate
  • cultural exchange
  • collaboration
  • universal appeal
  • overshadow
  • inspire
  • storytelling
  • boost the economy
What to do next:
Look at other essays: