IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for government to impose a higher tax on this kine of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree whit this opinion.

There is no denying the fact that junk
food
Use synonyms
 is
serious
Correct article usage
a serious
show examples
 leading
cause
Use synonyms
 of the majority of
health
Use synonyms
 problems. Some argue that states must charge fees on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fast
food
Use synonyms
 restaurants. I do agree totally with
this
Linking Words
 statement,
due to
Linking Words
 the financial
anf
Correct your spelling
and
 psychological
affects
Use the right word
effects
show examples
 and the
health
Use synonyms
 diseases
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
association
Replace the word
associated
show examples
 with obesity.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the person who eat junk
food
Use synonyms
 is tuned to have psychology issues, they like to be alone, because they feel sad that can not effort a healthy meals or communcate with others
due to
Linking Words
 the financial states, the majority of those who eats fast
food
Use synonyms
 are poor people, so
that is
Linking Words
 a leading
cause
Use synonyms
 of depression.
For instance
Linking Words
, a recent study projected that the worldwide population will decline
due to
Linking Words
 the fast
food
Use synonyms
 problems. Another point to consider,
also
Linking Words
 the
dengars
Correct your spelling
dangers
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 diseases they
cause
Use synonyms
, the fast
food
Use synonyms
rasie
Correct your spelling
raises
 the risks of
highier chelosterol
Correct your spelling
higher cholesterol
 condition
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
rasie
Correct your spelling
raises
 the prediction of being a heart disease patient,
as well as
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the concern of being a fat person, in
fact
Punctuation problem
fact,
show examples
 one burger
continue
Verb problem
contains
show examples
1500cal
Correct your spelling
1500
, which
Check wording
calories, which
show examples
mean
Correct subject-verb agreement
means
show examples
 the amount
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 human being needs for the whole day.
For example
Linking Words
, a
questionnare
Correct your spelling
questionnaire
ask
Correct subject-verb agreement
asks
show examples
 people what they think the
pimary
Correct your spelling
primary
cause
Use synonyms
 of obesity
, 80
Verb problem
is, 80
show examples
% of them
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 say junk
food
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, despite people having different views about
this
Linking Words
,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 do think that charging
highier
Correct your spelling
higher
 fees will reduce their
costemers
Correct your spelling
customers
, which
lead
Verb problem
will lead
show examples
 to
reduce
Replace the word
a reduction
show examples
 the consumption. especially, with the problems the mental and physical
health
Use synonyms
 aspects
facing
Wrong verb form
face
show examples
. For
reccommendation
Correct your spelling
recommendation
, governments should
held
Verb problem
be held
show examples
 accountable, and
give
Verb problem
take
show examples
actions
Fix the agreement mistake
action
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
this
Linking Words
.

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Task Achievement
Your introduction should clearly state your opinion and outline the main points you will discuss.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to use clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to guide the reader on what you'll discuss.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to proofread your work for spelling mistakes, like 'health diseases' instead of 'health diseases' and 'higher cholesterol' instead of 'highier chelosterol'.
Task Achievement
Use more specific examples that directly relate to your argument about fast food and health problems.
Task Achievement
You have presented a strong opinion on the topic, which is good for Task Achievement.
Task Achievement
Your points about psychological effects and health issues show some understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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